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So Your Child Has a Biting Habit – What Should You Do?
by Jenna Harper
March 12, 2021
We were lounging on the couch when a friend of mine received the dreaded call from her child’s daycare. No, it wasn’t about lice; it was about something even more alarming. Her son had bitten another child. She had anticipated this news, as he had been exhibiting this behavior at home towards his sister. Recently, he had crossed the line and bitten a cousin, leaving a noticeable bruise. She held her breath, hoping this time it wasn’t as severe.
Due to confidentiality policies, the teacher couldn’t disclose the identity of the child who was bitten, only that they were fine and that there was no broken skin. They addressed the incident seriously, emphasizing that such behavior was unacceptable and must not happen again. Communicating the gravity of the situation to a three-year-old, especially the potential of being expelled from preschool for biting, is no small feat. But some things just have to be said.
Feeling overwhelmed, she packed up and went to pick him up from school. My heart ached for her. My own kid had never bitten anyone, but he had his share of hitting incidents — and I understood the pain that comes with knowing your child is hurting another. It’s easy to feel shame as a parent when your child misbehaves, but it’s often unjust. We should extend kindness to one another. If your child has never bitten, that’s wonderful, but it doesn’t make you superior to a parent dealing with a biter. Let’s be mindful before casting judgment.
Biting is certainly undesirable, yet it is a fairly common behavior among children aged three and under. They often bite to gain attention rather than to intentionally harm someone. Children don’t fully comprehend the pain they cause. More often than not, a child bites because they struggle to express their emotions. It’s a quick way to grab attention.
Eager to help my friend, I reached out to a colleague who specializes in early childhood education; I knew she would have valuable insights. I also turned to various parenting groups online. While they can sometimes be filled with misinformation, they also consist of caring mothers who share their experiences. Here’s what I learned:
Create a Strategy
If biting occurs at home, it’s likely happening in daycare or school too. Open a dialogue with your child’s educators. Express your concerns and your desire for the behavior to stop. Collaborate to create consistent redirection methods and consequences to maintain unity both at home and in the classroom.
Act Promptly
When a bite occurs, have the child who bit face the one who was bitten. Encourage them to look at the bite and recognize the hurt they caused. Use this moment to teach empathy. Inform them that it’s unacceptable and that they’ve caused pain. Insist on an immediate apology, then remove them from the situation for a timeout to reflect on their actions.
Help the Biter Understand the Impact
I’m not suggesting you inflict physical pain — as tempting as it might be, never bite your child back! This will only reinforce the behavior and lead them to believe biting is acceptable. Avoid using soap, hot sauce, or vinegar as punishment. Instead, comfort the child who was bitten and create some distance for the biter to think about their actions.
Identify Triggers
Keep a watchful eye on your child to identify potential triggers for biting. While it’s unrealistic to hover over them constantly, you can be attentive to specific situations. If you can pinpoint a trigger, be ready to redirect their attention. Sometimes, a simple distraction can prevent a biting incident.
Listen and Communicate
Encourage your child to express themselves verbally instead of resorting to biting. A young child may struggle to articulate feelings, such as, “You hurt my feelings by taking my toy,” leading them to bite instead. Remind them that it’s always okay to talk to an adult when they feel upset. Reassure them that it’s fine to express their emotions through words, yelling, or even walking away, but it’s never acceptable to hurt someone else.
Ultimately, it’s important to convey love and support to your biter. Remember, they’re not out to hurt anyone. With consistency, affection, and firmness, this phase will pass. Keep in mind, no one ends up in high school still biting their peers.
For more insights, check out this related post on our blog. It’s essential to stay informed, and resources like this one can provide valuable information on child behavior. Additionally, the CDC offers excellent resources for understanding childhood development.
Search Queries:
- How to stop a child from biting
- Signs of biting in toddlers
- Parenting tips for aggressive behavior
- Understanding child behavior
- How to handle biting incidents
Summary:
Addressing a child’s biting behavior can be challenging for parents. It’s important to create a strategy with caregivers, act swiftly when biting occurs, help the child understand the impact of their actions, identify potential triggers, and encourage open communication. With time, consistency, and love, parents can navigate this phase successfully.