What I Want My Teen to Understand About Selecting a College

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Last summer, after my son’s eagerly anticipated school trip to Germany was canceled due to COVID, we also had to scrap our family excursion to Disney World and a planned trip to Rehoboth Beach for a baseball tournament. Like many families, we spent nearly half a year confined within the same four walls, surrounded by the same familiar faces. We needed a change. So, we rented an RV and took advantage of this unexpected free time to embark on our college visits. As our son was entering his junior year, we were excited to get a head start on this potentially daunting process.

As we traveled from one college to another, listening to counselor after counselor and tour guide after tour guide (all of whom were wonderful) share a wealth of information, I realized just how overwhelming this experience could be. It was certainly different from when I made my own college decision—I wanted a school close enough to home for visits, but not so close that my parents could pop by unannounced—check! College admissions has become a massive industry today, and the pressure on students to make the “right” choice is palpable. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.

So, dear son (and all students and parents), here are some insights I want you to consider as you navigate this college selection process. First and foremost, ensure that college is what you truly want. A character on a sitcom once responded to the question, “Why did you go to college?” with, “Because I was finished with high school, and that’s what you do next.” That’s not a valid reason. College is a significant investment of both time and money, and it’s essential to pursue it only if that’s what you genuinely desire. There are many other meaningful paths you could take.

If you do decide to go to college, here are some key points to keep in mind. Most importantly, remember that this choice is yours—not mine, not your dad’s, not your teachers’, or your coaches’. We will provide you with all the information you need, answer your questions, or direct you to the right resources if we can’t, and we’ll listen to your thoughts and feelings as long as you wish. What we won’t do (I promise) is pressure you into making a decision that we think is best for you.

There is no single “right” choice. With thousands of colleges and countless majors available, you’ll encounter people—from older relatives to teachers and even grocery store clerks—who may ask questions like, “What are you majoring in?” or “Where are you looking to go to school?” Just because they’re asking doesn’t mean you need to have an answer. Often, those inquiries are just small talk. Responses like “I’m not sure yet” or “I haven’t decided yet” are perfectly acceptable, as are answers like “I really enjoy math” or “I need to explore more before making a choice.”

One thing that was emphasized on every tour we attended was that students don’t have to enter college with a declared major. One tour guide had switched his major three times and was still on track to graduate on time as a junior. At another school, they offer an undecided track where first-year students can explore a variety of disciplines before declaring a major at the end of the year.

You will make the college you choose the right one through your attitude and experiences. And should you find yourself unhappy or feeling out of place, remember that transferring is always an option. Embracing this mindset early can help you keep an open perspective and lessen feelings of pressure and disappointment. A rejection letter may not sting as much when you have several other appealing options to consider.

Four or five years down the line, the outcome of your college decision may look entirely different from what you anticipated. College can be a transformative experience. Exposure to diverse people and ideas, a range of classes and extracurricular activities, combined with newfound freedom in a new environment, can completely reshape your worldview over four years. You may end up re-evaluating your identity and making decisions about your future accordingly.

Lastly, it’s crucial to remember that this isn’t a life-or-death decision. However, rushing into a choice or making a decision based on someone else’s expectations can lead to long-term dissatisfaction. Most choices aren’t irreversible, and you can recover from almost any misstep. Follow your heart, understand what you love, maintain an open mind, and the right decision will reveal itself in due time.

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Summary

The process of selecting a college can be overwhelming, but it’s important for students to remember that the decision is theirs to make. College should be pursued only if it aligns with their personal goals and desires. Support from family is crucial, but ultimately, students should focus on what feels right for them, keeping an open mind and recognizing that there are many paths available.