As a widow due to COVID, it’s excruciating to hear others express their anticipation for a return to “normal.” For me and countless others who have lost loved ones to this virus, life will never regain that familiarity.
Reflecting on the past year, the last day that felt even slightly “normal” was March 21, 2020. We were under a stay-at-home order, yet our family of four celebrated our daughter’s second birthday in our own special way. It wasn’t the celebration I had envisioned, but my partner, Jake, made it unforgettable. Despite the chaos surrounding us, he infused joy into that day, turning it into a magical memory. I cherish that moment, as it marked our last day together as a family of four.
March 21, 2020, was the last day I could say COVID didn’t impact our lives. Just hours after the party, Jake developed a cough, and my world shifted forever.
For five weeks, Jake battled to recover. Each day, I awoke hopeful for improvement, praying for his health, yearning for the life we once had. I watched helplessly as COVID ravaged his body, and ultimately, it took him from us.
The moment Jake took his last breath was the moment my life changed irrevocably. There would be no more anniversaries, holidays, or birthdays celebrated together. I will never again hear his voice say, “I love you,” or see his radiant smile. My children, too, will miss out on treasured moments with their father, such as Christmases, birthdays, and bedtime hugs. Those are the “normal” experiences we long to relive, but they are lost forever.
It’s easy to overlook those of us whose lives have been shattered by the pandemic. The loss, pain, and heartache are profound. Many of us mourn the life we once had, the ordinary moments that COVID has taken away. As we navigate our grief, we are faced with the daunting task of establishing a “new normal” that does not include our loved ones. This new reality is something we never imagined we would have to confront.
When I see people eager to dismiss COVID as just a bad memory, I can’t help but feel a surge of anger. It’s difficult to understand how so many remain unaware of the deep scars this virus has left on our lives. For my children and me, COVID will be more than just a painful memory; it will be a constant reminder of the life we once enjoyed, now stripped away by this terrible virus.
The trauma of losing Jake unexpectedly will forever be part of my narrative. Healing from such a significant loss is a continual and challenging process. My grief will not vanish; instead, I will learn to coexist with it. It leaves a void in my heart because the love I cherished is no longer present. I will always ponder the what-ifs and alternate realities that could have been. Perhaps seeking to return to “normal” isn’t the answer, because for many of us, that normalcy is unattainable. It’s a reminder of all I have lost and the journey ahead, filled with uncertainty.
It’s been ten months since I lost Jake, and I now recognize that my life will never be “normal” again. Although I’ve made strides in adjusting to my “new normal,” I still think about the life I once had and the future that now feels unreachable. As we continue to heal from our immense loss, please remember that normalcy is a distant dream for many of us trying to move forward after COVID has taken so much.
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Summary:
The author reflects on life as a COVID widow, expressing the pain of losing a loved one and the impossibility of returning to “normal.” She shares memories of her last joyful day with her family before the pandemic changed everything. The ongoing grief and trauma from her loss serve as a reminder that for many, the pursuit of normalcy is both unattainable and painful.
SEO Metadata:
COVID widow, grief, loss, new normal, pandemic impact, emotional trauma, family memories, healing process