Last year, Ava Johnson, a French author, released a 95-page essay titled “I Dislike Men” (Moi les hommes, je les déteste). The book initially went unnoticed, likely destined for obscurity, until a governmental adviser, Jacques Dubois, stumbled upon its title and summary (without reading the actual content) and threatened Johnson’s small publisher with legal consequences.
Dubois stated in a letter to the publisher, “This book undeniably promotes misandry (the hatred of men), as evident from both the summary on your site and the title. I must remind you that inciting hatred based on gender is a criminal offense! Therefore, I request that you remove this book from your catalog immediately or face criminal charges.” This individual didn’t even take the time to read the book; he simply relied on the title and summary to form a judgment.
It’s curious what could have led Johnson to write a piece reflecting her frustrations with men. Most critiques of her work originate from individuals who haven’t actually engaged with her writing, choosing instead to focus solely on the notion of misandry while disregarding its context, definition, and rationale.
I confess, I felt uneasy seeing the word “hate” so boldly displayed on the cover. As a parent of a son who is just a few years shy of adulthood, the idea of anyone harboring hatred towards him without knowing him personally is disheartening. Yet, after reading “I Dislike Men” thoroughly, I can acknowledge that Johnson presents a compelling argument.
For starters, her definition of misandry differs from how some might interpret it. She explains, “I use the term misandry to describe a negative sentiment towards all males. This feeling can range from mere suspicion to outright disdain and often manifests as impatience with men and a reluctance to accept their presence in spaces meant for women.” She clarifies that she refers to “cis men who have been socialized as such and who benefit from male privilege.”
It’s important to note that Johnson is married to a man and expresses genuine affection for him. She also acknowledges that there are many exceptions to her observations. However, in “I Dislike Men,” she argues that, given the abhorrent behavior exhibited by numerous men and the indifference displayed by many others, a generalized animosity towards men can be seen as justified until collective behavior improves.
Ultimately, misandry serves as a precautionary principle. After experiencing disappointment and even abuse from men—especially through the lens of feminist theory that critiques patriarchy and sexism—it’s reasonable to become guarded and hesitate to trust men who claim to be “good guys.” Particularly when proving worthiness seems to require only minimal effort, while women continue to face unrealistic standards that leave them feeling undervalued.
Johnson suggests that her “dislike” of men stems from a lack of trust based on personal experiences and statistical evidence. The statistics are alarming. In 2017 in France, 90% of threats against partners were made by men, and 86% of murders committed by a partner or ex-partner were perpetrated by men. Among the few women who did kill their partners, 69% were victims of domestic violence themselves. In the United States, 99% of those arrested for rape are male, indicating that sexual violence is overwhelmingly a male-dominated issue.
These statistics are echoed across various contexts. Johnson highlights the frustrating reality of seeing men praised for trivial contributions while women are held to impossible standards, asking when society will stop excusing men’s behavior.
In a recent discussion in a Facebook group, a woman expressed her frustration over her husband continually gifting her red roses, despite her repeated requests for other flowers. The comment section was flooded with women defending the husband’s actions, suggesting that the woman should be grateful, as their own partners offered even less. This mentality illustrates how women are often expected to tolerate undesirable behavior, simply because it could be worse.
After enduring numerous negative experiences with men, I have reached a point where I no longer make excuses for their behavior. I, too, have been shaped by personal experiences that have led me to anticipate misogyny and entitlement from men. This isn’t merely based on statistics; it’s rooted in my encounters. I prefer to expect little and be pleasantly surprised rather than hope for the best only to be let down.
That said, I do find joy when a man surpasses my expectations. I take comfort in knowing that my own son appears to be developing into a respectful individual. While I’ve encountered a handful of genuinely good men, their obliviousness to the challenges women face often perplexes me.
Like Johnson, I choose to proceed with caution. I maintain low expectations and high standards. I have built a protective barrier around myself, allowing only those men who defy my expectations to enter my space. Johnson’s message resonates: it’s possible to acknowledge the existence of good men while recognizing that, statistically, men as a group often perpetuate problematic behavior. Women are tired of waiting for men to improve, and this, for many, feels like disdain.
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- What is misandry?
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In summary, Ava Johnson’s “I Dislike Men” sheds light on the frustrations many women experience due to historical and ongoing male behavior. While her bold title may provoke strong reactions, the underlying context reveals a call for accountability and change, rather than a simplistic hatred of men.