After my children arrived, I found myself on a relentless quest to be the ideal parent. Each meal was crafted to meet nutritional standards, screen time was meticulously managed according to pediatric guidelines, and bedtime routines were executed with military precision. Woe to anyone who suggested we skip naptime!
Then I returned to work, and everything went awry.
Gone were the days of homemade quinoa and kale dishes; now, it was all about frozen pizzas from the grocery store. Our structured screen time devolved into me dozing off on the couch while my eldest taught his sibling how to play LEGO Star Wars. Bath times became less about schedules and more about the necessity of a wash.
And you know what? It was liberating!
While the guilt of motherhood clung to me like a heavy cloak, I began to wonder why I was adding so much unnecessary stress to my life. The house was chaotic, laundry was stacked high enough to hide a small child, and dog hair tumbled across the kitchen floor like tumbleweeds, yet I felt fantastic! I was shouting less, smiling more, and my kids were thriving.
That’s when it hit me—if my kids could defeat villains in video games with just a controller, surely they could learn to care for themselves a little too. Did I really need to oversee every bite of food or sip of juice? Would they really suffer if they grabbed their own cereal early on a Saturday instead of waking me or their father?
So what if they made a mess? They could clean it up themselves. And if they didn’t? Well, we’d notice the smell eventually.
Before long, I transformed the lower shelves of our pantry and refrigerator into kid-accessible snack zones. Plates and cups were relocated to lower cabinets, and my previously neglected label maker was put to work. I labeled everything: toy bins, clothing drawers, kitchen cabinets—you name it. The downside? My youngest took to labeling with such enthusiasm that our home resembled a chaotic classroom.
Despite the labeling mishap, my relaxed parenting style yielded positive results. Over the years, my children progressed from munching on fruit and crackers to cooking their own meals like fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. My daughter, in her quest for chocolate, even dabbled in baking. While her first cookies resembled charcoal lumps, she eventually mastered the art, much to the detriment of my waistline.
But my laziness extends beyond just food and hygiene; I’m also quite laid-back about their education. I don’t track their homework or remind them of tests. If they miss assignments, they earn a zero. Life isn’t always easy, right? That doesn’t mean I don’t care about their grades; I expect great results, even if it’s a bit hypocritical given my own school struggles.
My kids are as obsessed with video games as I am with coffee. If I could have coffee flowing through my veins 24/7, I would. Similarly, if my kids could pipe video games directly into their minds, they’d be in paradise. However, just as I turn into a bear without my morning brew, my children are miserable without their games. This gives me leverage as their parent—the power to unplug them. Watching them mope around without their controllers isn’t fun, but it works every time.
For fellow relaxed parents, you probably see where I’m headed with this. For those perfectionists out there, listen closely. Ultimately, our success as parents isn’t measured by how often we complete our kids’ homework or whether we only allow organic snacks. It’s about preparing them for the world when we’re not there to help.
Now, at twelve and fifteen, my kids can whip up basic meals, operate the dishwasher, and do their own laundry. They are responsible for waking up with their alarms, completing assignments, and packing their lunches. They understand that I won’t swoop in to solve every problem because learning from mistakes is part of growing up. When they eventually venture into adulthood, they will be confident and capable, all thanks to their relaxed mom.
Though, admittedly, they might still need a little help with hygiene.
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Summary:
This article discusses the benefits of relaxed parenting, emphasizing the importance of allowing children to learn self-sufficiency and responsibility. The author highlights their journey from striving for perfection to embracing a more laid-back approach, resulting in children who can cook, clean, and manage their own lives.