I’ve never been the slender type. Since childhood, I’ve been more rounded and curvy compared to my peers. This reality became painfully clear during 8th grade when I was shopping for a graduation dress. My journey with body image issues persisted throughout high school, college, and even during my pregnancies with both of my daughters. It wasn’t until the fall of 2018 that I truly began to focus on accepting and loving myself, regardless of my size.
Embracing self-love is an ongoing journey, requiring me to dismantle years of body shaming and harsh self-talk. Compounding this challenge was the need to navigate my partner’s critical views on my body.
He struggled with fatphobia—not out of fear of being overweight himself, but in a way that led him to shame me for my appearance, making me feel unworthy of his love and acceptance at any size.
We met in 2008, during a time when I was grappling with disordered eating. Initially, I hid my food struggles from him, but it didn’t take long for him to notice my habit of avoiding meals in front of him. He insisted on openness about my vulnerabilities so he could support me, and I believed him.
The first warning sign I overlooked came disguised as a birthday gift. Just four months into our relationship, he presented me with workout clothes—two spandex tank tops, size-too-small shorts, and running shoes. I hadn’t engaged in running since middle school, nor had I expressed any desire to start.
While I appreciated the gesture, I mentioned needing a different size. His response was dismissive: “Eh, it’ll be fine. Just leave it. Use it as motivation, working towards a smaller you.” The underlying message was clear: I wasn’t good enough as I was; I needed to change.
This wasn’t an isolated incident. During my first pregnancy, he kept a close watch on my weight. Despite my OB-GYN assuring me that everything was going smoothly and that the baby was healthy, he still found ways to bring up my weight.
When I questioned him about his fixation on my body, he claimed concern. He said he thought I was beautiful at any size but wanted to ensure the baby’s health. After the birth of our first daughter, I lost a considerable amount of weight. Within three months, I had shed 38 pounds—23 of which were pregnancy weight, plus an additional 15.
This drastic loss shouldn’t have been celebrated; rather, it should have raised alarms. My partner praised my transformation, but it stemmed from overwhelming life circumstances—not healthy habits. He was more focused on my weight than my well-being; he feared I would become fat.
Growing up, both my parents struggled with obesity. They battled anxiety and depression, which led to emotional eating. Whenever life got tough, food was their comfort. When he met my family, he didn’t like their attitude, household management, or their influence on me. In truth, he was repulsed by their bodies, seeking justifications to label them negatively.
Although I wasn’t as large as my parents in 2008, he feared I would follow the same trajectory. After graduating high school, I gained weight due to a less active lifestyle. He was scared that my genetic background would lead me to become obese too.
Reflecting on my decade-long relationship with someone who viewed obese individuals with disdain, I realize this attitude is more common than I wish. His disdain for larger bodies was rooted both in his character and the societal norms we live in. Fatphobia, while not a mental illness, is a societal issue that perpetuates unconscious biases.
As we see brands slowly incorporating diverse body types into their advertising, true representation will only be achieved when every body is recognized equally in society.
I share my story to remind those who have faced weight-related criticism that they are not alone. We are all imperfect; it’s our differences that enrich life. You are loved, valued, and worthy just as you are. Honor your body in a way that resonates with you, whether through exercise, self-care rituals, or fostering a better relationship with your body. When you treat yourself with love and respect, you will expect the same from others, and that is what everyone deserves.
For further reading, you might find this other blog post helpful regarding related experiences. If you’re interested in learning about fertility and related topics, this resource is excellent.
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Summary:
This article explores the author’s experiences living with a partner who struggled with fatphobia, detailing the impact on her self-image and body acceptance. Through personal anecdotes, she highlights the need for self-love and the importance of recognizing the societal influences on body image.