Last year, I embarked on a journey to better care for myself. A few months after my second child was born, I felt completely drained. To prioritize postpartum self-care, I stumbled upon an online fitness subscription that boasted a massive library of workout videos, all promising to transform me into a stronger, happier, and healthier version of myself. Eager for a change, I thought this would be the ideal starting point.
I had convinced myself that shedding a few pounds was the key to health, believing that this physical transformation would reignite my spark. My plan was to wake up before my children and tackle one of the short but intense workout sessions. I envisioned this new routine as a way to regain control over my life.
This approach seemed sensible, especially considering my past struggles with disordered eating during college. I maintained a “healthy” diet, but it was overly restrictive. I often skipped meals and spent countless hours at the gym, feeling overwhelmed if I couldn’t meet my own high standards.
I thought this was the path to health until everything began to unravel. Anxiety consumed me, and I would experience intense hunger that led to uncontrollable bingeing when food was present, followed by feelings of desperation and shame.
Fluctuating between numbness and overwhelming emotion left me struggling to make even simple decisions. I would go from feeling empty to lashing out at loved ones. Acknowledging this chaos, I sought counseling.
During my first round of therapy for disordered eating, I learned an eye-opening lesson: dieting isn’t necessary. This realization was liberating and changed my life. I stopped counting calories, skipping meals, and relying on inadequate “replacement” meals like smoothies. Instead, I learned to listen to my body, eating when hungry and stopping when full.
This wisdom primarily came from a book called Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole, which outlines extensive research on the harmful effects of dieting. While the transition was gradual and sometimes uncomfortable, I began to break free from the vicious cycle of dieting and binge eating.
Though my desire to be smaller didn’t vanish, it became less dominant. Following counseling, I was able to reconnect with my life. Over the years, I married a wonderful partner, worked as a nurse, and became a mother to two unique boys. While motherhood has been rewarding, it has also brought its own challenges.
After my second baby, I felt increasingly low and was eager to discover what being healthy meant in this new phase. The online fitness subscription seemed like an ideal solution, with virtual coaches claiming that consistent program adherence would yield results.
However, months passed without any changes. I didn’t lose weight, nor did I feel better. Finding time to exercise in the mornings was tough. When I did manage to squeeze in a workout, I often felt worse, overwhelmed by feelings of judgment and anger towards the seemingly perfect trainers. Instead of feeling empowered, I was left feeling exhausted and defeated.
My self-care efforts had backfired, so I sought counseling once again. Although I wasn’t engaging in disordered eating behaviors anymore, I realized I still held onto damaging beliefs. Thoughts like “Everything will improve once I lose weight” and “If I were just smaller, I’d feel better” had seeped into my mindset. I also felt pressure to excel in every aspect of my life — as a mother, wife, friend, and daughter. If I wasn’t perfect, I felt like a failure.
Now, it’s clear why I felt so miserable; I was suffocating under the weight of my own expectations. Brene Brown, an author and shame researcher, emphasizes in her book Daring Greatly that to raise children who love and accept themselves, we must first love and accept ourselves. This insight prompted me to recognize that my focus needed to shift away from weight.
I am now actively working on embracing and loving myself. I regularly see my counselor and explore concepts of embodiment, mindfulness, and body image to challenge the lies perpetuated by society and my past struggles with eating.
I’ve realized that I don’t need to be thin to enjoy life. Perfection is not a prerequisite for self-acceptance. True self-care is not about weight loss; in fact, my previous attempts to lose weight harmed my well-being. I now prioritize caring for my body out of respect, engaging in activities I enjoy, such as hiking, yoga, and kickboxing. My postpartum body is strong and capable, allowing me to play with my boys and hike beautiful mountains. This is how I practice genuine self-care.
Just yesterday, I canceled my online fitness subscription. My year-long self-care journey didn’t unfold as I expected. I didn’t lose weight; instead, I discovered a beautiful, capable body. A year later, I am a new, stronger, happier, and healthier version of myself.
For those interested in topics related to home insemination, check out this excellent resource for valuable insights. Additionally, for more information on the procedures, visit this authoritative site. If you’re curious about technology in this field, explore our post on home insemination kit.
Potential Search Queries:
- What is true self-care?
- How to practice self-care without focusing on weight loss?
- What are the signs of disordered eating?
- How to embrace body positivity after childbirth?
- Tips for postpartum self-care and recovery.
In summary, my journey taught me that true self-care is not defined by weight loss but by embracing and respecting my body. I have shifted my focus to activities that bring joy and fulfillment, leading to a healthier mindset and a stronger connection with myself and my family.