I can still vividly recall the two questions that choked me up the night my boyfriend, Jake, disclosed that he wasn’t taking me to a typical Halloween bash. The first was, “Are you serious?” and the second, “Can we just go to a diner instead?” As we sped down the highway, costumes on and crammed into his old Jeep with the faded paint job, Jake’s timing felt deliberate. I knew he was aware that objecting would make me seem like a buzzkill.
Understanding Our Differences
When Jake and I began our relationship, we both made sure to express our individual preferences in a “take me as I am” manner. In any partnership, whether romantic or platonic, mutual respect is essential. Without it, there’s no real foundation. If you don’t believe me, just ask the professional relationship coaches who emphasize that respect is crucial for happiness. If respect is the foundation, then accepting each other’s quirks is like reaching the penthouse.
Jake was into BDSM and exploring connections with other women. I preferred cozy nights in with video games. He enjoyed swinger events, while I’d be more at home in a family-friendly arcade. This contrast led us, much like a significant portion of the population, to an open relationship. We cherished our similarities while wanting the liberty to explore our differences. As long as everyone involved is safe, what’s the harm?
Most of the time, Jake totally understood. However, on this particular night, he crossed a line. Before we started dating, Jake had jokingly said, “Promise me you’ll never come to one of my parties.” Apparently, he had forgotten.
The Invitation
We pulled up to a sizable house filled with people, and Jake flashed a pleading smile that almost made me cave. “It’s a small gathering, plus there are folks from work here,” he insisted, squeezing my hand reassuringly. “You might actually enjoy it.”
But “enjoy” was the last word that came to mind as I stepped into the stuffy house, where Halloween decorations littered the floor. Feeling like an outsider, I hovered near Jake as he began to chat, even planting a kiss on a blonde woman in a playful scarecrow costume. She called him “Jakey,” and I quickly turned my gaze to the rest of the room.
Curiosity had compelled me to leave Jake’s car, as I had pictured anything from a potluck dinner to a wild fantasy like in Eyes Wide Shut. Instead, the party seemed quite ordinary, filled with couples chatting and friends dancing. I thought to myself, “This is supposed to be a night of excitement. Where’s the thrill?”
I attempted to lighten the mood with a joke, but it didn’t quite land. “Do this for me,” Jake whispered, and I could sense the concern in his tone. He must have noticed my discomfort.
I should have protested more, but Jake didn’t have to persuade me significantly to enter. Maybe I did need to relax a bit, and as any supportive partner would, I wanted to be there for him. However, pretending to be someone I wasn’t wasn’t going to lead to happiness. Jake had to understand that.
Instead of voicing my discomfort, I said, “I’m going to step outside and see if anyone I know is around.”
The Unexpected Encounter
The backyard felt like a bizarre mix of games, reminiscent of Seven Minutes in Heaven, minus the closet and clothing. I found an empty spot on a worn pool lounge chair and observed a group starting a round of strip volleyball. As I took in the scene, a man plopped down next to me, his thigh brushing against mine.
“Hey,” he said, flicking his dark hair back. “I know I’ve seen you somewhere before.” Though familiar faces surrounded us from the haunt we’d worked at, I couldn’t place him.
Maybe it was this anonymity that encouraged me to stay. He was attractive, in a slightly dangerous way. The guy leaned closer, his hand casually resting on my exposed arm. I closed my eyes, uncertain if I felt anxiety or something else.
I tried to convince myself that Jake had been right; maybe I could enjoy this. But then, the stranger emitted a sound—was it a growl?—that made me suppress a laugh filled with disbelief. I gently pushed his hand away and stood up.
“Ugh, prude,” he muttered, now holding a cigarette stained with dark lipstick.
“Why are you even here?” he added, clearly irritated.
Looking for Jake
I headed back inside, searching for Jake and a potential escape. He was comfortably situated on a purple-hued couch surrounded by party-goers. A girl named Lily, dressed in a revealing outfit, was leaning against him, her hand resting on his stomach.
“Can we leave, please?” I asked him, offering a polite smile to Lily. “I can find a ride if needed, and you can call me tomorrow.”
“The party goes until two. Just chill and find someone,” he replied, clearly unfazed.
Lily chimed in, “See that cute guy over there?” Her gaze landed on a handsome man dressed as “Thor,” who was dancing with enthusiasm. “That’s my boyfriend, and he’s great with beginners if you want to explore.” She gestured toward a free room upstairs.
Later that night, I lay in bed sending a thankful text to my friend who had come to pick me up. As I closed my eyes, I reflected on the evening’s events after Lily’s suggestion.
After her pitch, I had declined and started to leave when Jake stopped me. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“Home,” I replied firmly. “Please let me go.”
“Why are you acting like a prude?” he shot back, clearly frustrated.
Standing My Ground
If having different preferences makes someone a prude, then we’re all prudish in some way. With billions of people in the world, it’s impossible for anyone to be exactly the same. Jake seemed to hope I would deny being a prude, but I stood my ground. I didn’t mind what he was doing; I simply didn’t want to be part of it.
Setting clear boundaries is just as crucial as accepting others for who they are. I left without regret. If someone pressures you into something you’re uncomfortable with, they likely never truly valued you.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, the author recounts her unexpected experience at a swinger party with her boyfriend, Jake. Despite their open relationship, she grapples with her discomfort and the pressure to fit into a scene that doesn’t resonate with her. Ultimately, she stands her ground, asserting her boundaries and realizing the importance of personal comfort in relationships.