Every now and then, I stumble upon a social media post or article where a parent laments their family’s lack of contribution to household chores. They often mention having reached a breaking point and resorting to “rage cleaning.” It’s typically a mom who has finally had enough of the chaos in her teenager’s room or bathroom—and decides to tackle the mess herself. “When is this kid going to learn?” she might ask, likely with a strained voice and a hint of wildness in her eyes.
While that question often comes off as rhetorical, if she were to ask me directly, I’d say “never.” As long as she keeps cleaning up after her kids, they will continue to expect her to do it. People, including children, tend to stick to what benefits them.
Now, sometimes rage cleaning is just that—mindless cleaning as a way to release pent-up frustration. But if it stems from feeling overwhelmed by a family that won’t pitch in? That’s a different story. Parents, don’t put yourself through this. Don’t act like you have no other options. Assign chores to your kids; even young ones can tackle age-appropriate tasks. No one should bear the burden of cleaning an entire house when others who are perfectly capable live there too.
I’ve heard parents justify the mess created by their teenagers because they’re “too busy” or “stressed.” While it’s true kids can be overscheduled and face unique challenges, they still need to learn responsibility through chores. Chores aren’t just “helping out”; they’re essential life skills, much like brushing teeth or tying shoelaces. In fact, amidst the chaos of pandemic life, routines become even more crucial.
I have participated in rage cleaning before—usually my own closet, where I find clothes I intend to fit into again or stacks of Amazon boxes I’m saving “for Christmas,” even though I know I only need a few. It’s my clutter that sends me into a frenzy. However, when it comes to the rest of the house, I share the responsibility with my kids. Their rooms and the bathroom? I don’t touch. I refuse to rage clean other people’s messes, and neither should any other parent.
When my children were younger, we had a chore chart on the fridge. No screen time until chores were done. They know the routine now, and if they forget, I simply remind them of their tasks. Sure, there’s been some resistance, but they dislike the “you live here, you help” speech and the threat of losing screen time, so they usually comply.
Chores are non-negotiable. If you live in a house, you help keep it clean, end of story. It’s just me and my kids, with no partner to share the load. Thankfully, our small house makes cleaning easier, but that doesn’t exempt my kids. At ages 14 and 10, I expect them to do a good job. I “inspect” their work after they’ve cleaned. If they miss spots, they come back to fix them. I even correct simple mistakes, like turning pots upside down to dry. I’m not doing their chores for them, nor am I sending them into the world unprepared.
Despite what it may sound like, I’m not overly strict. I let some minor things slide if the overall job is done well. My goal is for my children to know how to clean a house thoroughly before they are adults. I refuse to let them slack off or allow my frustration to fester to the point where I feel the need to rage-clean.
Does this mean my home is spotless? Absolutely not. We have clutter, dust, and laundry baskets that sit for days, just like any family. But it does mean my house is generally livable and clean-ish, so I’m never pushed to the breaking point of rage cleaning. I don’t want to see other parents feel like the burden of housework falls entirely on them or that their families are taking advantage of them.
If your family’s mess is causing you to feel rage, get them involved! Create a list of tasks to make it more manageable for your novice helpers. Changing the WiFi password can be a great motivator. No one should feel compelled to rage clean because family members aren’t pulling their weight. Instead, shift the focus from rage cleaning to delegating tasks. Let’s face it, we’ve got to start somewhere.
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Summary:
This article discusses the common phenomenon of “rage cleaning,” particularly among parents who feel overwhelmed by their family’s lack of contribution to household chores. It emphasizes the importance of assigning age-appropriate chores to children, fostering responsibility, and maintaining a balanced approach to cleaning without succumbing to frustration. The author shares personal experiences and practical suggestions for creating a collaborative home environment, urging parents to avoid taking on all cleaning responsibilities alone.