It didn’t take long for me to realize that remote learning wasn’t suited for my 9th-grade son. He has a 504 plan designed to keep him on track academically and provide necessary accommodations for his specific needs. He requires regular breaks to manage his Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), interactions with his school social worker to support his Autism Spectrum Disorder, and tools like a stress ball to alleviate his anxiety.
Today, 1 in 54 children in the U.S. are diagnosed with Autism, and 3.3 million kids aged 12-17 are living with ADHD—many also face coexisting conditions like anxiety. For my son, who flourished in a structured school environment with the support of caring adults, remote learning has been a significant setback. He needs more than what our dining room table or Google Classroom can offer him; he needs genuine social interaction beyond what he gets from playing with our five-year-old twins.
With two moms in the household, my wife, a former middle school teacher, is deeply attuned to his academic needs. She also has Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), which gives her insight into his struggles. Together, we strive to support him, all while managing our own worries about the future of remote education and our teen’s mental health. We also juggle teaching our young daughters and working full-time, all in an effort to maintain some semblance of normalcy.
Two weeks ago, my son completed his first quarter of 9th grade, which was a rocky experience filled with school closures and inconsistent learning. When we received his digital report card, we were shocked to see four Fs in subjects he previously enjoyed, like history. I felt the urge to reprimand him: “You can do better! What happened to your love for history?” But we all knew the answer—remote learning and distractions like YouTube were to blame.
Initially, like many parents of children with special needs, I was merely trying to survive. I wrestled with countless questions: How can I effectively parent and teach my child? How will he develop social skills during lockdown? Will he establish trust with his teachers? Will he learn anything this year?
Months later, I’m still grappling with these challenges, as is my son. As a teenager, he’s become increasingly preoccupied with YouTube, a phenomenon that perplexes me. Having unfettered internet access all day has become a major distraction, undermining his education and ambitions, particularly because his brain struggles with prolonged online engagement. No one is truly suited for this kind of constant connectivity, but it is especially difficult for those who have executive functioning challenges.
In my home state of Connecticut, there are over 18,000 students diagnosed with autism, emotional disturbances, or intellectual disabilities. My son is one of them, and his unique needs make remote learning almost unmanageable. As I imagine the other parents facing similar challenges, I know we must find ways to improve his grades and keep him socially engaged during this quarantine.
Connecticut’s education commissioner recently acknowledged the struggles of parents with special needs children, stating, “I see you and I hear you. Our focus is on ensuring that we provide services and support to students with special needs.” As a parent, I’m eager to learn what support will be available for my son.
For any student entering 9th grade, the transition is tough under normal circumstances, but being physically present at school helps students navigate these challenges more effectively. The support of guidance counselors, teachers, social workers, and other staff members is invaluable for our children. This is especially true for my son, who benefits greatly from this network of support.
His daily routine starts at 7:30 a.m., when he logs on for homeroom and is marked present by his teacher on Google Classroom. Unfortunately, he often gets sidetracked by YouTube before even logging in. With 80-minute class periods and teachers who are still mastering Zoom, keeping his attention is a daunting task. By the second period, he is often lost in a YouTube video instead of focusing on his studies.
Could I be more present to help him stay on track? Sure. But that would come at the cost of my own work. Even if his performance improved, mine would likely decline. Moreover, closely monitoring him during class would shift our parent-teen dynamic in ways I’m not sure we’re ready for.
This current reality is not how we envision success for ourselves or our children. Ultimately, I want my son to thrive, to develop a sense of empathy, and to understand the value of hard work and proper engagement with others. Unfortunately, I can no longer rely on the school system to fulfill these roles as I once did. Now, it falls on us, in various capacities, to ensure he succeeds as a special needs student. I just hope we can navigate this path together.
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Summary:
Navigating remote learning has proven particularly challenging for my 9th-grade son, who has special needs, including ADHD and Autism. Despite the support we provide at home, the lack of in-person interaction and structure has led to disappointing academic performance. As we continue to seek ways to help him succeed, the importance of school support systems becomes clearer. We must adapt to this new reality, focusing on both his educational needs and social engagement.