After my divorce, I felt ready to dive back into the dating scene after nearly 20 years with the same partner. I was aware that things had changed significantly, especially with online dating and my new role as a mom. Plus, I was no longer in my 20s.
Now in my 40s, after enjoying some carefree encounters, I was eager to find something more meaningful. That’s when I came across various Instagram accounts managed by men claiming to have the secret formula for capturing a man’s affection.
Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed. There were so many “rules” to remember, I could have sworn I needed to take notes:
- Send texts, but don’t overdo it—that’s needy.
- If you’re upset with something your partner does, address it kindly.
- Learn about his interests, even if they don’t appeal to you—like football.
- Always be ready for intimacy.
These supposed tips were described as the magic bullets that would win a man’s heart. I quickly realized I was trying to fit into their boxes, and it was taking a toll on my sense of self. I felt like I was acting in a play written by someone else—a man whose standards I didn’t even know.
Instead of embracing my feelings, I was either suppressing them or trying to be overly accommodating, as the so-called relationship coaches advised. But you know what? Sometimes it’s perfectly okay to be angry. I don’t have to engage in acts of intimacy if I’m not in the mood. I should be free to express myself however I choose.
What happened to simply being genuine, focusing on self-growth, and treating others as we wish to be treated? How did we get to a point where we feel the need to manipulate ourselves for a man’s approval?
Please, don’t fall into this trap. I refuse to cater to a man’s whims by memorizing sports statistics or adopting behaviors just to pique his interest. Some of these accounts even suggest how to walk to attract men. Seriously, just stop.
Sure, there are gestures we make for love, and I believe in sharing new experiences with someone I care about. However, those gestures have to be mutual and deserving. I wouldn’t expect a man to suddenly take up my hobbies, like knitting or baking, if he’s not interested.
At its core, a relationship is about mutual investment. It’s a partnership, not a performance where one party sacrifices their authenticity for the other. It’s 2020—these accounts are just modern iterations of outdated advice that told women to look good for their husbands and cater to their needs while neglecting their own.
If you follow this misguided advice, you might feel so inauthentic that it could drive you crazy. Your partner might think you’re interested in activities that you actually despise, leading to resentment instead of connection.
And if you manage to attract someone by conforming to these ridiculous standards, what happens next? Will you be stuck pretending for the rest of your life?
The best way to attract someone compatible is to be yourself. That doesn’t mean striving for perfection or neglecting the need to compromise. It means not losing your identity in the process.
I’m exhausted just thinking about all the pressure this creates. Women seeking love, please don’t buy into this nonsense. I doubt you want to spend your time obsessing over how to please a man—this will only leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled.
Relationships are about coming together, discovering your person, and growing side by side. These accounts suggest that women should do all the changing, which is absurd. It’s about finding balance, not about who does more.
My experience with this mindset was a waste of time. When I stopped listening to that nonsense, I finally met someone who appreciates me for who I am—imperfections and all. He loves my feistiness and my opinions, and we can be our true selves together.
Interestingly, relationship advice from women often focuses on self-discovery rather than changing for someone else. Men don’t engage in this type of self-examination like women do.
The most significant step I took was to stop absorbing this misguided advice and instead focus on whether a potential partner was truly worth my time. I encourage all single women to do the same.
If you’re interested in more insights, check out this article from Home Insemination Kit for additional perspectives. For authoritative information on related topics, you can visit Intracervical Insemination or read about pregnancy at Healthline.
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Summary:
The article critiques the notion of men providing relationship advice to women, arguing that it leads to inauthenticity and self-sacrifice. Women are encouraged to embrace their true selves rather than conforming to outdated expectations. Healthy relationships are founded on mutual investment, not manipulation.