If you’re not a single parent, it’s difficult to fully comprehend the challenges involved. Please refrain from labeling yourself as a single parent if you are not one. And for those who share custody, it’s important to recognize that navigating co-parenting with an ex-partner qualifies you as a single parent. Regardless of how often your ex has the kids—be it 50%, 25%, or not at all—if you’re managing parenting and responsibilities largely on your own, you’re a single parent. This applies whether your spouse has passed away or if you have a complex relationship with your ex.
On the other hand, if your partner is merely away for business, on deployment, or enjoying a weekend with friends, you are not a single parent. If you are remarried or have someone contributing to your household, that support changes the dynamics. You may feel overwhelmed by a partner who isn’t a great parent, but this doesn’t equate to being a single parent. If you have a partner who helps with daily tasks—like laundry, grocery shopping, or childcare—then you are not navigating the struggles of single parenting.
This isn’t to say your situation isn’t demanding. Your circumstances may be extremely challenging, perhaps even more so than those of some single parents. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that you are not a single parent.
Throughout my journey, I’ve held various titles: working mom, stay-at-home mom, part-time worker, full-time single parent, and even a full-time single parent who is also a student. Each role presents its own set of hurdles. This isn’t a contest to determine who has it worse; some parents thrive while working away from home, while others find it overwhelming. The same goes for stay-at-home parents, some of whom have supportive partners and others who bear all responsibilities alone.
Having a challenging partner does not automatically make you a single parent. I want to emphasize that this doesn’t diminish the difficulties you face. Everyone has their own battles. My previous marriage was toxic, and I am, without a doubt, a better parent since becoming single.
When someone in a committed relationship calls themselves a single parent, it stings. They may believe they are empathizing with my experience, but they can’t truly understand it. If you’re not a single parent, you don’t know the pain of watching your children leave with their other parent, feeling helpless about their well-being in that time apart.
You don’t know the heartache of saving an extra seat at a school event, only to have your ex’s new partner refuse to sit next to you. You can’t grasp the frustration of needing to communicate through intermediaries like therapists or lawyers. You are unaware of the emotional toll of spending holidays with your ex or alone, longing for your children.
You haven’t experienced the heart-wrenching moments when your child cries for the other parent or asks about the divorce as they grow older. You don’t know the effort it takes to coordinate schedules around the other parent’s availability—wondering if they’ll show up or change plans at the last minute. You may not understand the profound loneliness that can accompany the craving for alone time, which can feel overwhelming once it arrives.
Dating while raising kids, or deciding to refrain from dating altogether due to their age, is another struggle. Curling up in your child’s empty bed when they are with their other parent or helping them cope with the reality of having two homes is a unique challenge. Carrying the financial burden of a household alone and having no one to share the highlights of your child’s day with can feel isolating.
Yet, there’s a special pride in realizing you’ve successfully managed a vacation solo, completed a challenging work project, or celebrated your child’s achievements despite the odds.
While your struggles are valid, they differ from those of single parents. The sense of community among single parents is profound. We recognize the shared experiences of grief, joy, and fear that come with single parenthood. It’s a club few anticipated joining, yet it fosters a deep understanding of one another’s journeys.
When those outside this experience mislabel themselves as single parents, it diminishes that shared understanding and recognition. It’s a reminder that they don’t see the unique struggles we face.
Summary
The challenges of single parenting are unique and profound, and it’s essential to recognize the distinction between single parents and those who are not. Those who are not single parents may not understand the emotional and practical difficulties that come with raising children alone. While every parenting situation has its own difficulties, it’s crucial to acknowledge the significant differences in experiences.