Category: Lifestyle
By: Mia Johnson
Updated: November 20, 2020
Originally Published: November 20, 2020
In a recent TEDx talk, Darnell Thompson recounts a moment when he was getting coffee with his young daughter in a stroller. The barista remarked, “It’s rare to see Black men spending time with their kids.” This was followed by the statement, “I hope you stay engaged in that little girl’s life.” Darnell and his daughter share the same race, and experiences like this are unfortunately all too familiar.
Insights from Darnell’s Talk
In his talk, titled Racism Through the Eyes of a Non-Threatening Black Man, Darnell opens up about the realities of being a Black man in America, sharing some of his most personal and distressing encounters with racism. He recalls the first time he was subjected to a racial slur, a white girl who refused to date him due to her parents’ disapproval, and how he constantly felt the need to be more—smarter, better dressed, more courteous—to gain the respect of white individuals. He poignantly states, “Nothing makes sense if you’re a Black man in America—nothing.”
At 46, Darnell lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their two daughters, aged nine and seven. He is the founder of the Anti-Racism Fight Club, a program he describes as “intense anti-racism training for adults, children, and companies.” Additionally, he is a parenting columnist for a major publication and runs a social media platform called Dads Doing Their Part, which showcases fathers and their children.
The Mission Behind Dads Doing Their Part
Dads Doing Their Part launched Darnell’s journey to success seven years ago. His mission? “I wanted to demonstrate that I’m not an anomaly. There are countless engaged, remarkable dads out there putting in the effort, and I aimed to shine a light on them.” He emphasizes, “I specifically wanted to celebrate fathers of color because there are so many misconceptions about our commitment to parenting, when in fact, we are some of the most dedicated dads in the world.”
The Burden of Being Non-Threatening
During his TEDx talk, Darnell discusses how he consistently strives to appear non-threatening—whether it’s through his choice of clothing or even singing songs from Frozen in public to make white people feel secure around him. However, he admits that this constant effort is “soul-crushing,” to the point where he contemplated suicide three years prior. He shared with a parenting website that, “As a Black man, I always have to be ‘on’—and being ‘on’ means doing things to make white people comfortable to ensure I make it home to my family safely.”
He also reveals that his nine-year-old daughter once expressed her fear that her father might be shot. Darnell references the pervasive “trauma porn” in the media, where videos and images of Black individuals being harmed or killed are constantly circulated. He confesses that he lied to his daughter, assuring her, “Everything will be okay,” despite knowing that “all evidence suggests otherwise.” He reflected, “How tragic is that?”
The Reality of Fear
For Darnell and many Black Americans, fear has become a default state, as he explains in his address. Whether he is walking his dog, shopping, or driving, there is an ever-present danger. The most mundane activities can become perilous due to the insidious nature of racism. The events of 2020, including the killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery, have starkly illustrated this reality. He shared with a parenting platform that being transparent about his struggles with depression is important because he hopes it will encourage other men of color to do the same, stating that navigating life as a BIPOC individual in 2020 is extraordinarily challenging and that many of us are grappling with these issues.
Parenting in a Racially Charged Environment
When it comes to parenting his daughters, Darnell explains, “I do my best to shield them from the harsh realities of the racism I encounter, but it’s impossible to keep everything from them. I tell them that I’m tirelessly working to create a more equitable world for kids who look like them, emphasizing the importance of enjoying their childhood.” He adds that when they are older and can comprehend the painful realities of 2020, he hopes they will remember that their father fought against it as best he could.
Actions for Allies
Toward the end of his talk, Darnell outlines five actions white individuals can take to be anti-racist, such as advocating for Black colleagues, calling out racism when they see it, and understanding the true meaning of the Black Lives Matter movement. He stresses the importance of raising children to be anti-racist, so they learn that anti-racism should be the standard, not the exception. He told a parenting site that it’s also essential to believe Black individuals when they share their experiences with racism. “For some reason, people think we’re just playing a ‘race card’ for sympathy, but that’s not true. We’re not fabricating these experiences.” He adds, “When we speak about the debilitating effects of racism, it’s crucial to be believed without any qualifiers or distractions.”
Further Resources
To gain a deeper understanding, you can watch Darnell’s full TEDx talk. He also has an upcoming children’s book titled Watch Me, which addresses immigration. He stated, “There’s an immense amount of work to do, but it begins with raising awareness about racial justice and then using that awareness to inspire behavioral change. I will continue to fight the good fight for as long as necessary. There’s too much at stake to do otherwise.”
Search Queries:
- Non-threatening Black man experiences with racism
- How to be an ally to Black fathers
- Understanding racism in America
- TEDx talks on racism and parenting
- Raising anti-racist children
In summary, Darnell Thompson’s TEDx talk sheds light on the unique challenges faced by Black men in America and emphasizes the need for allies to engage actively in anti-racism. His personal experiences underscore the pervasive nature of fear rooted in racism, while also highlighting the importance of raising awareness and fostering a more equitable society for future generations.