Growing up, I longed to have my ears pierced, but my father was firmly against it. While my friends in middle school flaunted their earrings, I resorted to crafting fake ones from toy parts or metal bits I’d find in my dad’s toolbox, as they looked more convincing than the clip-ons of the time. When I finally got permission to get my ears pierced, I was restricted to tiny studs—no hoops or dangly earrings allowed.
In eighth grade, I dreamed of a chic asymmetrical haircut, but my parents only permitted me to cut my hair to shoulder length. I yearned to wear faded, ripped jeans, but that was off the table. Makeup? Absolutely forbidden. I ended up sneaking it into school, only to be caught by the bus driver, who told my parents about my little escapades. After that, I would sneak into the girls’ bathroom to apply my makeup, only to scrub it off before heading home.
It wasn’t until my parents divorced during my high school years that my mom became more lenient, allowing me more freedom to express my personal style. Until then, I had been filled with anxiety about how I was supposed to present myself. It was my body and my life; their control over my appearance seemed misguided and selfish.
So, when my daughter expressed a desire to get her nose pierced, I took her to the salon without hesitation. When she wanted a slit shaved in her eyebrow, I supported her decision. I remember an unkind comment from a stylist who disapproved of the look, which brought out my protective instincts. I firmly reminded her that everyone has their own style and to focus on her job.
My daughter has experimented with various hair colors, from black to pink highlights, and has developed her unique makeup style, sporting glitter under her eyes and bold winged eyeliner. Just recently, she asked for a belly button piercing, which she had saved up for. I took her to the appointment, and we celebrated with a Diet Coke afterward—her happiness was infectious.
I believe in allowing my kids the freedom to express themselves through their appearance. While they need my permission for some things, such as sleepovers or using my credit card, when it comes to their bodies, they have autonomy. Of course, I agree that certain permanent choices, like tattoos or plastic surgery, require careful consideration, but temporary changes like piercings and hairstyles are a form of self-expression that I fully support.
With three teenagers in the house, I embrace the unpredictability of their evolving styles. I would never stifle their desire to wear earrings, dye their hair, or change their look if it brings them joy. They are independent and know they can make those choices without needing my approval. Just ask the bus driver who once ratted me out!
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In summary, I firmly believe in my teenagers’ right to express themselves through their appearance, whether it be through piercings, hairstyles, or fashion choices. It’s crucial for their self-identity, and as their parent, I support their desires as long as they’re safe and age-appropriate.