Like many parents, I strive to instill values of kindness in my children. When they come home from school, my first question isn’t about their academic performance; it’s about whom they showed kindness to that day. My focus is less on grades and more on their ability to be good friends, show respect, and be inclusive toward their classmates.
However, I’ve come to realize that simply being “nice” isn’t synonymous with being truly kind. I emphasize to my children that true kindness often requires courage—standing up for what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes, being kind means challenging bullies or those with prejudiced views, even if it causes discomfort or anger. We have had numerous discussions about the importance of being upstanders, especially during tough situations.
Moreover, I have woven inclusivity into our parenting. We’ve explored the beauty in our differences and discussed the importance of expanding their social circles to include diverse individuals. It’s essential to celebrate uniqueness; mere tolerance falls flat.
Yet, I’ve come to understand that kindness and inclusivity alone are insufficient. A compelling graphic shared by Curious Parenting on Instagram articulates this point perfectly. They recount a story from a classroom where a Black girl entered a predominantly white group of toddlers. For many of these children, this was their first encounter with someone who looked different. One child questioned if her skin was dirty, while another insisted she could only portray Moana, not Elsa.
These comments are clearly unacceptable. Parents would likely feel embarrassed or horrified upon learning that their children expressed such views. Many probably believed they were raising kind and inclusive kids, surrounded by books on social justice and equality. They might have discussed white privilege and the importance of treating everyone equally.
So, was my emphasis on kindness misplaced? Not at all. It simply wasn’t enough.
Curious Parenting addresses a common question from parents: Why not just teach kindness and inclusion? The answer is clear—these attitudes can still perpetuate harm. They do not actively challenge systemic racism.
If kindness and inclusion aren’t enough, what should we be teaching our children?
The answer lies in fostering a bold, unapologetic, and affirmative anti-racist mindset.
Anti-racism acknowledges that racist ideologies are deeply embedded in our culture, creating systemic issues. It calls for active resistance against these norms rather than passive acceptance. Anti-racist parenting is not a one-time task; it’s an ongoing commitment that cannot be checked off a list. It involves more than just watching films or sharing inspirational quotes on social media.
Yes, this is a significant responsibility. But is it essential? Absolutely.
Being an anti-racist parent requires engaging with your children on critical topics like how skin color affects perceptions, actively learning about the history of racism and civil rights, identifying stereotypes, and discussing examples of white privilege in daily life. It means watching documentaries like When They See Us or reading books such as Stamped and discussing the racism they reveal. It may even involve advocating for change in school policies or confronting family members about their biases in front of your children.
Most importantly, it means recognizing that this work is never truly finished.
Many white parents may feel unprepared to tackle these issues, as it requires confronting our own biases. However, as noted by cultural commentator Ijeoma Oluo, “The beauty of anti-racism is that you don’t have to be free of racism to be an anti-racist.” It’s about committing to address racism wherever it appears, even within ourselves.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start by examining your own behaviors. Let your children witness your journey of confronting racism. A great starting point is Ijeoma Oluo’s book So You Want To Talk About Race.
Remember, anti-racism doesn’t equate to being anti-white or striving for perfection. It requires intentional action.
As white parents, while our intentions may have been well-meaning, the impact of our kindness has often been damaging. We’ve skirted around the issue of racism for too long. It’s time for us to take on the difficult work that’s necessary. The urgency is real, and it can’t wait.
Ultimately, simply being kind and inclusive is not enough. Only through radical anti-racism can we hope to make a significant impact. Let’s get started.
For additional insights on parenting and inclusivity, check out this link to one of our other blog posts. Also, for expert information on anti-racism and parenting, visit this resource. For guidance on pregnancy and home insemination, this excellent resource provides valuable information.
Summary:
Fostering kindness and inclusion in children is vital, but it’s not enough to combat systemic racism. Instead, parents should adopt an anti-racist approach that involves ongoing education, open discussions about race, and proactive measures to challenge racism in everyday life. This commitment requires self-reflection and intentional actions to ensure lasting change.