Explore the Absurd Arguments Couples Are Having During Quarantine

At home insemination

As the pandemic stretches on, many of us have been cooped up at home with our partners for months now. (Thanks, COVID-19.) If you’re anything like me, those extra weeks have certainly tested the limits of your patience.

I truly cherish my partner. We’ve been together for what feels like forever, and he still manages to make my heart skip a beat. I find him incredibly attractive, respect him immensely, and he never fails to make me laugh. Out of everyone in the world, he’s my top pick for quarantine company, and that says a lot in a universe where movie stars like Jason Momoa exist.

However, he’s the only adult I’ve interacted with face-to-face for what seems like ages, and let me tell you, it’s not always easy. I chose this man, but I’m also a human who craves the company of others—especially my girlfriends—to keep my sanity intact. Being stuck at home has given me way too much time to focus on things like the volume of his breathing, which, I must say, could use some work.

Just last week, he came back from the grocery store with a bottle of Dijon mustard. He thought it would be a decent stand-in for my usual stone-ground mustard since they were out. But, considering I haven’t stepped foot outside in quite some time, my fridge’s contents have become exceedingly important to me, and that Dijon mustard was the last straw.

I ended up in tears, exclaiming, “This isn’t my mustard, Mark! It doesn’t even resemble my mustard! After all these years, how can we be strangers? Are you trying to leave me? Is this a sign? Well, we have too many kids for you to afford child support and a second home, so enjoy your new life in the garage!” I told him not to talk to me, to which he replied, “Gladly!” and silence filled the room for an hour.

Clearly, we’ve reached a point where we’re bickering over the silliest things. I knew we couldn’t be the only ones experiencing this, so I sought out other couples willing to share their hilarious and trivial squabbles.

Here’s what I found—our mustard debacle is far from unique. In the realm of quarantine arguments, no topic is too trivial and no grievance too small:

1. My partner quit playing Scrabble with me because he thinks I make up words. I told him that the game wouldn’t accept nonsense words, but he didn’t care. He was like, “What does ‘QI’ even mean?! You’re telling me you know how to use that in a sentence?” I replied, “Well, not exactly, but it scored me 25 points, and the game says it’s a real word, so just deal with it.” He deleted the app. COVID has claimed Scrabble in our house. –Megan S.
2. We are quarantined with our adult children and their partners. One evening, all six of us ended up in a loud argument, and one of the kids stormed off. The issue? “Is the covered area at Home Depot where the cash register is located considered indoors or outdoors?” –Laura B.
3. This pandemic has made me realize I might have married a psychopath. My husband, who gets up first, brushes his teeth with hot water! The first time I accidentally got a mouthful of scalding toothpaste, I brushed it off, but now I’m at my wit’s end. What kind of person brushes their teeth with hot water? I’m rethinking my life choices. –Samantha T.
4. My fiancé is terrible at folding towels. I’ve explained my method countless times, but he insists it’s too confusing. Seeing his improperly folded towels drives me crazy, and he gets upset when I fix them. Just do it right the first time! –Lily R.
5. I’m a huge fan of limoncello La Croix—it’s like lemon cake in a can. However, my boyfriend takes two sips and leaves it out to go flat. I got so frustrated that I saved it in the fridge and tried to make him drink it the next day. You don’t waste something so delicious! –Olivia N.
6. My fiancé isn’t a gamer, but I’m trying to teach him. We rarely argue, but he gets furious when I correct him. One night, I shouted, “DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT?!” and he yelled back, “I’M SORRY, HONEY! I AM TRYING!” I wasn’t sure if it was a genuine apology or if we were still fighting. –Hannah J.
7. With all this time spent at home, I’ve realized my husband examines real estate listings in the most frustrating way. I finally snapped and told him, “I hate the way you look at Zillow!” He takes forever analyzing every photo. I just wanted him to see how big the kitchen is! –Rachel P.
8. Our last spat revolved around my husband’s inability to put empty glasses in the dishwasher. After finishing a glass of milk, he puts it back in the fridge instead of rinsing it out. I found four empty glasses in there yesterday! Why?! –Tina L.
9. My seven-year-old is learning to make his bed, and it’s hard not to step in and do it better. The other day, he was yanking the blanket in every direction but toward the headboard. I yelled, “Pull it THAT WAY!” and he burst into tears. I felt guilty, but soon we were both laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all. –Jessica K.
10. I lost it on my husband for leaving a dirty diaper in the living room. He took the baby to the bath and just left it there! It’s an extra two feet to the trash can! My patience has worn thin, and I screamed, “THAT IS THE PROBLEM!” I was so mad I thought my head might explode. –Emily H.
11. My husband has started leaving piles of “half-clean” clothes on the bathroom counter. When I asked why he doesn’t just hang them back up, he said, “They’re not dirty enough to wash.” That’s not a thing! We’ve entered a silent laundry war. –Diane M.
12. My extroverted husband flipped out because I didn’t change the toilet paper roll in the guest bathroom. We haven’t had guests in ages, but seeing that empty roll triggered an emotional response. I simply stared at him until he sheepishly admitted he was done ranting. –Mia W.
13. For six months, my husband promised to install two floating shelves in the kitchen. Finally, he hung them up, but I couldn’t understand how they would stay on the wall. I ended up shouting, “Your head is a skinny, empty box!” and stormed off. Apparently, third-grade insults are my quarantine fighting style. –Kelsey G.

No matter how much you love your family, the upheaval caused by a global pandemic can lead to unexpected conflicts. While these trivial arguments can be exasperating at the moment, maintaining a sense of humor and acknowledging our absurdity can turn them into entertaining stories. For additional insights, consider checking out this post on how to approach home insemination.

Remember to practice patience, apologize when necessary, and take solace in knowing that one day, we’ll all be laughing about these moments. If you’re looking for more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, the Women’s Health website offers excellent guidance.