When humans encounter a threat, we instinctively activate one of several survival strategies. While many are familiar with the fight-or-flight response, fewer know that there are additional reactions: freeze and fawn. Each of these responses plays a crucial role in how we cope with danger—whether physical or emotional. Reflecting on my personal experiences, I can see how each response manifested during my partner’s brief but intense battle with a severe illness.
Fight
The “fight” response is vivid and straightforward: it’s akin to a warrior brandishing weapons against an approaching predator. For me, this manifested as a daily determination to confront the medical system. I frequently marched into the hospital, fueled by unwavering resolve, determined to demand answers from the healthcare professionals—even without an appointment. My fight was not just about stubbornness; it was a desperate attempt to secure a miracle cure against an unseen enemy, the tumor that threatened my partner’s life.
Flight
Often misconstrued as cowardice, the flight response is a powerful mechanism for self-preservation. It involves the instinct to escape danger without hesitation. While I couldn’t physically flee from the situation, I found myself overcommitting to various tasks, distracting myself from the overwhelming fear of losing my partner. By burying my worries under an avalanche of responsibilities, I managed to keep the impending threat at bay, even if only temporarily.
Freeze
Freezing is a less recognized response but is equally significant. It involves becoming immobile, either physically or emotionally, in the face of danger. When I experienced the loss of my partner, I felt an immediate shutdown. There was no fight left to be fought, and no means to escape. I became numb to the reality of the situation, disassociating from the profound pain that enveloped me. The aftermath of this response was challenging; eventually, the numbness wore off, revealing the emotional turmoil that I had tried to suppress.
Fawn
The fawn response is perhaps the least understood. Coined by therapist Peter Walker, it describes the tendency to appease others to feel safe. This often involves people-pleasing behaviors and avoidance of conflict. In my experience, I found myself bending over backward to maintain harmony during my partner’s illness and even at the funeral. Instead of allowing myself to grieve, I focused on being supportive to others, often neglecting my own needs. To learn more about this response, you can read more about it in this related blog post.
Understanding these trauma responses is essential, as they are hardwired reactions controlled by our autonomic nervous system. Each response serves a purpose and can appear without conscious thought. No single response is superior to another; what matters is recognizing when you feel stuck in any one of these modes. If they hinder your quality of life, seeking help is crucial. Always remember to practice self-compassion and give yourself the grace you deserve.
For more insights and resources on trauma responses and self-care, you might find this article from Kindbody helpful. Additionally, for a deeper understanding of trauma responses, check out the expert opinions in this article from Intracervical Insemination. You can also explore more about coping mechanisms in our other blog post here.
In summary, trauma responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are natural reactions that serve to protect us in moments of crisis. Recognizing and understanding these responses can empower us to seek the help we need and foster a sense of compassion for ourselves.