A few months ago, while I was putting my 4-year-old daughter Mia to bed, she began to squirm under her blanket, her face a mix of confusion and curiosity. Without any warning, she blurted out words I certainly wasn’t expecting that evening.
“Mommy, I don’t like my nose down there. It feels so strange!” Mia declared, her little nose scrunched up in distaste.
Naturally, I was bewildered. A nose where? But I stifled my laughter and maintained a calm demeanor. “What do you mean by nose, sweetheart?” I gently inquired.
Mia pointed to the top of her vagina, grimacing. “This nose!” she exclaimed.
I took a deep breath, the most profound one I’d had in a while. My mind raced, but I recalled that honesty has always been my go-to with my kids. I wasn’t going to shy away from the truth now, no matter how awkward it felt. “That’s not a nose, sweetie,” I explained. “It might feel like a tiny nose, but it’s actually called your clitoris.”
To say Mia was surprised by the revelation would be an understatement. When I reassured her that this part of her body is a natural and normal aspect of being a girl, her eyes widened in awe. I shared that I have a clitoris too and that it’s okay to be curious about it. I emphasized that, just like her vagina, her clitoris is a private part of her body, and I’m always here if she has questions. Half-asleep, Mia simply replied, “mmm-kay,” rolled over, and dozed off.
This moment is just one of many eye-opening experiences I’ve encountered while raising my two kids in a sex-positive environment.
I distinctly remember the time I chose to be the parent who talks openly and honestly with my children about their bodies. During my first pregnancy, my 9-year-old stepson Lucas pulled me aside one summer afternoon, eager to understand what a period was. After receiving the nod from my husband and Lucas’s mom, we embarked on a hilariously awkward yet enlightening discussion.
That single conversation blossomed into numerous ongoing dialogues throughout the summer, covering topics like puberty, body acceptance, sexual identity, and even consent. By the time Lucas entered middle school, he was well-prepared to comprehend the basics of his own body and others’, and he felt comfortable asking me anything without fear of shame or judgment.
From that first question, I knew I wanted the same open relationship with my own children. Now, Mia freely asks me about anything from why her bottom itches to proudly proclaiming that she’s a rainbow princess. My 18-month-old son Max twirls in dresses and shows a curious fascination with his own body. They know I’m married to their dad and also identify as a bisexual woman, and they understand that babies can arrive in different ways, whether vaginally or via c-section. When I get my period, Mia doesn’t just want to wear pads like me; she enthusiastically announces to everyone that she has her period too.
In our home, we use proper names for every body part. I believe my kids should never feel ashamed or afraid to learn about their bodies. So vaginas are called vaginas, penises are called penises, and yes, clitorises are called clitorises, not noses.
When the time comes for them to ask about masturbation and sexual experiences, I’ll be there to offer thoughtful, respectful guidance. Both Mia and Max will learn that self-exploration is a natural part of growing up, and they’ll have a safe space to ask questions about intimacy and protection. I’ve started reading empowering books to Mia to instill the message that she is in charge of her own body. Just yesterday, she memorized a list of trusted adults to talk to if she ever feels unsafe or unsure.
My kids witness their parents modeling self-love and body acceptance daily. They see us express affection and work through challenges in front of them. We continually reassure them that they will be accepted regardless of who they love or how they identify. Together, my husband and I are committed to discussing topics of sex, body autonomy, and physical changes in a supportive, non-judgmental space. My children deserve this and so much more.
Ultimately, my greatest hope is that they will embrace their bodies as powerful and beautiful instruments. They will always have me as a mother who exemplifies making choices from a place of self-worth. They will always have a safe haven with me, regardless of the challenges they face.
And because of that unforgettable bedtime chat with Mia, I will always chuckle at the memory of her innocent “nose” discovery.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, feel free to check out our other posts here. And for those interested in the broader context of reproductive health, this site is an excellent resource. Also, for further information on related topics, visit here.
Summary:
Raising children in a sex-positive environment involves open and honest discussions about bodies and sexuality. By using proper terminology and fostering a judgment-free atmosphere, parents can help their kids feel empowered and informed about their bodies. This approach encourages curiosity and understanding while providing children with a safe space to ask questions and explore their identities.