“Wow, it looks like you have your hands full!” Yet again, I hear this familiar phrase as I navigate the grocery store with my three kids, all under the age of four. I’ve grown accustomed to these comments, simply smiling and nodding in acknowledgment. Managing the grocery list with three little ones wasn’t easy, but it was a necessity.
As one of my children grew older, it became clear that there were challenges at play. Sudden tantrums, an insatiable urge to touch everything, and intentional falls began to disrupt our daily outings. Running errands and attending playdates turned into increasingly daunting tasks. In a moment of desperation, I decided to purchase a toddler carrier and began to wear my child as often as I could. What I didn’t expect was the intense scrutiny that came with my decision to baby-wear my child with special needs.
I’m not one to seek validation or permission from anyone—I firmly believed that wearing my child was the best choice for both of us. It provided the sensory input my child needed and calmed them down, allowing me to feel secure knowing they wouldn’t run off impulsively, especially in busy places. However, I soon found myself overwhelmed by the unsolicited judgments from strangers.
A Day at the Lab
Take, for instance, the day I had a routine lab appointment. With two kids at school, I was relieved to only have one child with me. After securing my child in the carrier, we entered the building, both of us content and comfortable. As I waited for my turn, swaying gently to soothe my child, the lab tech gave me a once-over. “Can’t your child walk?” she asked bluntly once we were seated. I was taken aback. What if my child couldn’t walk? Her unprofessionalism and insensitivity were astounding. When I didn’t respond, she continued, “You can’t carry them forever.” It felt like she was a mom-shamer, judging everything from how long I breastfed to my parenting choices.
While she prepared for the procedure, I calmly explained, “My child has special needs, and wearing them is the safest option, especially in a lab where crawling around isn’t safe.” She fell silent, seemingly at a loss for words.
Encounters in Public
During our outings to places like the library or pharmacy, I’d often find my child strapped to my back, happily playing with my hair or singing. Yet, I would frequently encounter women who approached with disdain, asking, “How old is your child?” followed by comments about the carrier and whether it hurt my back. Their inquiries lacked friendliness and felt more like judgment than curiosity. I’d respond with my rehearsed line, “No, this doesn’t hurt my back. Look how happy my child is!” Then, I’d quickly move on, unwilling to engage with their negativity.
While curiosity is natural, it’s unacceptable to question a mother and child merely to express disdain for their choices. After all, children hear these adult conversations. The disrespect towards my parenting decisions was aggravating, but the open disdain directed at my child—who was still in diapers—was heartbreaking. I realized my child was absorbing negative messages about baby-wearing, despite it being a necessary choice due to their unique needs.
Understanding and Respect
I didn’t share my child’s medical history with every rude inquirer, as my reasons for baby-wearing were not open for debate. While I sometimes wished to confront the judgmental comments head-on, I understood that many special needs remain invisible, leaving children vulnerable to assumptions from strangers. Importantly, many children don’t outgrow their needs simply because they get older or bigger.
Even if a parent without special needs prefers baby-wearing, that’s perfectly valid. The advantages of baby-wearing are numerous: it keeps parents hands-free, promotes closeness, and ensures safety in crowded environments. Each family should choose what works for them, whether that means baby-wearing or not.
Understanding different parenting choices fosters respect rather than judgment. The Golden Rule should apply to all parenting decisions, from baby-wearing to using child leashes or strollers. Parenting is challenging enough without unsolicited opinions from others.
Further Reading
For more insights into parenting and family dynamics, check out one of our other blog posts on home insemination. If you’re seeking detailed information on insemination methods, this authority is a great resource. Additionally, the NHS provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Navigating the world as a parent of a child with special needs can be challenging, especially when faced with judgment from strangers. Baby-wearing has its benefits, providing safety and comfort for both parent and child. It’s important to foster understanding and respect for all parenting choices, rather than judgment.