I’m the type of person who thrives on a busy schedule. I love juggling tasks, organizing my time, and keeping a full calendar. However, these days, my calendar is about as empty as it can be, with just an eye exam on June 4th that has already been pushed back twice. Instead of feeling fulfilled, I often find myself struggling to stay motivated and focused.
I miss dining out. I miss watching my ten-year-old son, Ethan, in his sports games. I miss grocery shopping without a mask, hugging friends and family, attending church, and collaborating in person with colleagues. I even miss picking Ethan up from school and hearing all about his day. Just last week, I was supposed to be hiking in a national park, but those plans have vanished.
While I could continue listing what I miss, I am also aware of how fortunate I really am. Many families have lost loved ones to COVID-19, while others face severe financial challenges. Healthcare workers and essential staff are risking their lives, and here I am sheltered safely at home with my husband and son. Both my husband and I can work from home, and I’m only navigating the e-learning journey with one child. One of my friends is seven months pregnant with a toddler, quarantining from her firefighter husband since mid-March. She shares heart-wrenching photos of her son saying goodnight to his dad through a window—so do I really have the right to complain?
Even if I shouldn’t complain, my feelings are valid. We are all trying to adjust to life during this pandemic. I feel restless, anxious about the future, and uncertain about what lies ahead. Will Ethan return to school in August? Will my husband keep his job after receiving a pay cut and being furloughed one day a week? Will I still be employed in two months? And will my loved ones remain safe from the virus? With both my husband and son having asthma, my worry intensifies.
The stay-at-home order has significantly affected Ethan, too. He thrives on social interactions and would leap out of bed each morning, eager to go to school. Now, with no school and all his activities on hold indefinitely, he is struggling, becoming moody and frustrated.
Despite these challenges, I’ve discovered a silver lining: I now have more time to spend with my family (although some days, that feels more like a burden than a blessing). My previous two-hour daily commute has transformed into a mere stroll across the hallway to my home office. Although I miss our bustling social life, I realize that often, sports practices and weekend events filled our evenings, leaving little room for quality time.
This unexpected time together has allowed me to reconnect with Ethan, which is especially precious as he grows more independent. Each passing year, he needs me less, and I often feel like I’m losing my place in his world. But with social distancing, he has no sibling to play with, and I felt compelled to step up as his entertainment.
Before the pandemic, we spent quality time together biking, reading, and baking. Now, however, our playtime has taken on a new dimension. I’ve let go of my need for control and allowed Ethan to steer the ship. Together, we’ve built a motorized boat from K’nex and Legos, even if it promptly sank in the bathtub. I’ve flown kites while shouting “BANANA!” and engaged in epic Nerf battles. We’ve created chain reactions in our living room that culminated in a basketball hoop swish, and I’ve orchestrated soda geysers with Mentos and Diet Coke—just for fun!
One of our most memorable moments was constructing a fort complete with twinkling lights, where we had a sleepover and watched ridiculous YouTube videos long past Ethan’s bedtime. When I finally tried to sleep on the floor, I was treated to a gentle reminder of a “silent, but deadly” incident in the dark.
While this playful time hasn’t always been easy on my back, it has nourished my spirit. It’s become a way to escape the stress of reality, encouraging me to embrace my creativity and presence. It has reminded me to prioritize joy, laughter, and silliness — things we all could use more of during these trying times.
Initially, I thought I was just fulfilling my motherly duty by spending time with Ethan to keep him entertained. Instead, I’ve found a new friend in him—someone who helps me remain positive and grounded during this challenging period. I miss my life before the pandemic, but I intend to cherish this time with Ethan while I can. Although he longs for his friends, I hope our time together has been meaningful to him, too. I’ve noticed a shift in his demeanor; he seems to smile more often.
In fact, I’m gearing up for our homemade BattleBot tournament this weekend. I’ve duct-taped forks to a remote-control car, and I’m ready to take the win!
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Summary:
The author reflects on how social isolation during the pandemic has transformed her relationship with her tween son, Ethan. With their busy lives put on hold, she embraces the extra time spent together, discovering joy and creativity in play. While she misses her pre-pandemic routine, she values the newfound friendship with her son and the positive changes it brings to both their lives.