The mental burden has always disproportionately affected mothers, and recent events have only intensified this reality. When I got married, I naturally fell into the role of the primary decision-maker in our household. My then-husband worked outside the home, while I managed our family life. Growing up with three sisters and a single mother, I didn’t have much experience with men, and I assumed women were expected to take on all responsibilities.
What I failed to realize was how little foresight men generally employ regarding future responsibilities. While I was obsessing over a stain on the carpet or whether the snacks I bought were healthy enough, he was focused solely on the present. Men often overlook details such as whether their child’s clothing fits properly; it’s the mothers who keep a mental tally of these things.
If he needed something, he would ask me where to find it. I handled the laundry, made appointments for the children, and kept track of everything that needed attention. It wasn’t until I was pulled over with three kids because our car inspection was overdue that I realized how extensive my mental checklist had become.
From the moment a mother gives birth, her mind is flooded with worries: Is the baby hungry? Are they breathing correctly? Am I healing properly? Do we have enough food for visitors? Meanwhile, dads might be busy showcasing their parenting skills, making jokes rather than engaging in the serious responsibilities that come with family life.
No one checks in on moms to see if they’re overwhelmed. The narrative often shifts to praise a father who takes the kids to the park or grocery store, while the mothers continue to juggle numerous tasks without recognition.
The burden on mothers has always been heavier, yet the support to alleviate it is minimal. We’re often told to relax, let go, and live in the moment. Dads, on the other hand, rarely fret about the impressions their homes make on visitors or whether their children’s socks match.
When the pandemic hit, I was thrust into an even more challenging situation. Schools closed, and I found myself trying to manage my children’s online education while working from home. My ex-partner texted me, asking how we would navigate this new reality, insisting I ensure the kids completed their schoolwork and questioning their diet. This was a glaring indication of how little he felt guilty about shifting responsibilities my way.
Life during the pandemic has only amplified these struggles. A friend shared that she and her husband argue over grocery store protocols, often leaving her to handle the majority of the cleanup. Another working mom expressed her frustrations about balancing her business and her children’s education while her husband struggled with bedtime routines alone.
As I connect with other moms, the conversations often revolve around financial worries, our children’s well-being, and our overwhelming exhaustion. Meanwhile, many fathers reminisce about carefree college days, seemingly disconnected from the immediate responsibilities we face.
Moms are perpetually exhausted because we’re always thinking of what needs to be done next, how others are coping, and managing our own well-being, which often takes a backseat. While some partners encourage us to voice our needs, it feels like just another task on our already full plates.
Dr. Sarah Thompson, a prominent therapist, aptly notes that while men have made strides in sharing responsibilities, the bulk of extra work still falls on mothers. We naturally take on the caregiver role, even when managing careers outside the home.
So yes, moms, if you’re feeling burnt out, know that you’re not alone in this struggle. The added mental load from the pandemic has intensified our existing challenges, and it’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings. There’s a pressing need for better support systems for mothers once this crisis is over.
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