A few weeks ago, I humorously shared on my social media that instead of calling it homeschool, we should refer to it as “yell-school.” The pressure is undeniably high as we navigate the challenges of educating our children during a pandemic. Unsurprisingly, some overly concerned individuals commented that I should keep my stress hidden from my kids. But recent research suggests that concealing our stress from them might actually be counterproductive.
Researchers at the University of Washington conducted a study involving 109 parents and their children in San Francisco, balanced between mothers and fathers. Parents were put through a stressful public speaking task and then asked to participate in a LEGO activity with their children. Some parents were instructed to suppress their emotions, while others were encouraged to express themselves freely. The results revealed that parents who tried to hide their stress were less supportive during the activity, and their children mirrored this lack of engagement. As Dr. Emma Hill, a leading researcher in the study, pointed out, “Parents transmit their emotional states to their children, intentionally or not.”
This finding resonates with many of us who can recall moments in our own childhood when we sensed something was amiss, even if we weren’t privy to the details. Children are perceptive; they can easily pick up on when their parents are trying to mask their feelings. Instead of attempting to shield them from our stress, it’s beneficial to communicate that we are experiencing difficulties.
While we shouldn’t burden our children with adult problems, sharing our feelings in age-appropriate ways can foster understanding. Dr. Jessica Lane, a child psychologist, notes that “Kids are adept at reading emotional cues. If they sense something is wrong but see parents acting as if everything is fine, it creates confusion.” Allowing children to witness healthy conflict resolution can be more beneficial than trying to maintain a facade of perpetual calm.
In this era of heightened anxiety, from juggling remote work to managing homeschooling, it’s crucial to acknowledge our feelings. Dr. Michael Roberts, a pediatric behavioral specialist, explains, “The physiology of stress is interconnected between parents and children. Stifled emotions don’t disappear; they manifest in irritability and can lead to outbursts.” This insight reflects how many of us may feel overwhelmed.
We should allow ourselves grace during these trying times. Hiding stress only exacerbates our own tensions, and being transparent with our children can alleviate some of their anxieties. Instead of leaving them to speculate about our feelings, we can provide clarity. “Acknowledge both your feelings and those of your child,” advises Dr. Hill. “Children are resilient; they can handle it. When you validate your own emotions, it opens the door to better problem-solving.”
Ultimately, how we model our responses to stress shapes our children’s coping mechanisms. By being open about our challenges, we teach them that struggle is a part of life and that it’s possible to work through it. Given the upheaval we are all facing, this might be the perfect time to show them how we navigate difficulties. Stress may be temporary, but the skills we impart to our kids will last a lifetime. For additional insights on parenting during stressful times, check out this post, and for professional guidance, consider visiting this authority on the subject.
Summary:
It’s essential for parents to openly communicate their stress to their children rather than suppress it. Research indicates that children are perceptive and can sense when something is off, leading to confusion and anxiety. By modeling healthy emotional expression, parents can teach their kids valuable coping skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.