In line with much of the nation, we are currently self-isolating—remaining at home to help flatten the curve and safeguard the most vulnerable. My children are no longer attending school or socializing with friends. I anticipated they would be constantly trying to text and FaceTime their peers, desperate to cling to the life outside our home’s walls. They do, but only sporadically.
Instead, they have become nearly inseparable. They watch shows together, engage in play, and yes, they argue—often and loudly. There’s a limit to how many hours of Netflix can be enjoyed before a dispute erupts over the next selection. Similarly, it doesn’t take long for disagreements to arise when they’re building with LEGOs or even deciding who gets the prime seat on the couch.
A writer for The New York Times consulted various professionals—bouncers, hockey refs, police officers, kindergarten teachers, and therapists—for strategies to manage sibling disputes. Suggestions ranged from allowing the arguments to unfold to employing de-escalation tactics or removing one child from the situation. However, I have my doubts about finding a definitive solution to the constant bickering that feels akin to negotiating a hostage situation over remote control privileges.
Initially, I attempted to mediate their arguments—could they seriously care that much about which pillow they used on the couch? (The answer is a resounding yes, it turns out, and questioning the significance of that particular pillow was a grave mistake on my part.) Now, after weeks of isolation, the rule has shifted: as long as no one is physically harmed, the squabble can continue until it loses steam. I’ve grown accustomed to the shouting, and they seem to need this outlet for their emotions—so it’s a win-win.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry (I still do) that their interactions are solely with one another. However, I’ve begun to realize that this isn’t the first time they’ve turned to each other for solace.
When my partner was diagnosed with brain cancer, our lives were turned upside down. Our daily routines revolved around his treatment, leaving us isolated—not by choice but by circumstance. As the illness consumed him, both mentally and physically, my children lost their sources of stability and comfort. Their friends couldn’t grasp the depth of the pain they were experiencing, and my kids lacked the vocabulary to describe what was happening.
During that difficult time, they found comfort in each other. They would sit closely while watching television, escape to the playroom to create fantastical worlds, and support one another in moments of vulnerability. Their bond strengthened, becoming a lifeline amid the chaos.
In the months following my partner’s passing, the intensity of that bond remained, but its brightness began to dim as friendships took precedence—a natural occurrence as children mature. School and extracurricular activities started to overshadow their connection. They still shared an underlying sense of grief, but they no longer needed each other in the same way.
Now, with their world once again turned upside down, they face uncertainty together. Their father is gone (physically, but I like to believe not in spirit), and I often find myself overwhelmed by the challenges of solo parenting during these unprecedented times. Yet, they have turned back to one another.
When not engaged in arguments, my daughter surprises my son with snacks, and he’ll pick wildflowers for her during walks. They huddle together, whispering and laughing as they plan their next adventure.
These days at home feel long, and the fighting can be draining. However, they have rediscovered their refuge in one another, finding solace in the one aspect of their lives that remains unchanged—their bond. Despite the frequent disagreements, they are once again each other’s anchors to a sense of normalcy.
While sibling arguments may never fully cease, I remind myself that it’s the moments in between that truly matter. These moments affirm that no matter where life leads them or how often their reality shifts, they will always have each other—even if they never figure out how to share that pillow.
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Summary:
The COVID-19 pandemic has forced families into self-isolation, leading to unforeseen closeness among siblings. While arguments are frequent, the bond between children deepens as they navigate challenges together, reminiscent of past hardships. The article reflects on how sibling relationships can evolve and strengthen amid adversity, emphasizing the importance of their emotional connection.