I step into my garage after a long day, peeling off my clothes with a shiver. It’s noticeably colder here than inside my house, but I can’t go in just yet. My garments could carry a lethal virus that has upended life worldwide. Once inside, I toss the potentially contaminated clothes into the washing machine and rush to the shower, carefully sidestepping the loud cries of my two-year-old son and five-year-old daughter, and the worried expressions of my husband and mother.
They don’t follow this same routine when they come home. But then again, they haven’t ventured outside in days, adhering to the governor’s stay-at-home order. I, however, cannot abide by that. I’m a pharmacist, an essential worker during the COVID-19 pandemic, and honestly, I’m terrified every single day.
While I recognize that my risk of exposure is not as acute as that of doctors and nurses treating patients, I still interact with ill individuals regularly and am susceptible to infection. The onset of quarantine brought a wave of patients seeking to refill their prescriptions, fearing they would face shortages later. Nearly every person I encounter exhibits symptoms like coughing, runny noses, or fevers. Perhaps those signs have always been there, but my awareness has heightened.
Part of my commitment as a pharmacist is to prioritize the well-being of humanity and alleviate suffering. I take this pledge seriously. I won’t abandon my responsibilities to my community, but I can’t help but wonder each day if it will be the day that someone coughs in my direction or I touch an infected surface and then my face. Prescriptions for cough medications and inhalers send jolts of anxiety through me. When a patient asks for help in the aisles, I find myself holding my breath for as long as possible.
I do everything I can to minimize my risk. Each shift starts with sanitizing phones and counters. My hands have become cracked and sore from constant washing and sanitizing. I wear a mask and gloves, but I seldom eat, drink, or use the restroom. It’s not that I’m forbidden; it’s just that removing my gloves and mask, then washing my hands repeatedly, feels overwhelmingly laborious. Before I leave work, I sanitize my phone and keys, and wipe down surfaces even if I’m alone in that area. At home, I have a spare set of clothes waiting in the garage. My jacket and purse stay in the car, and my shoes never cross the threshold. Any lunch items or water bottles go straight into the dishwasher to prevent anyone else from touching them. My husband has taken to sleeping in the basement to reduce his exposure. Maybe I’m being overly cautious, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s necessary.
What I do know is that there are moments when I feel suffocated by fear. Times when my mind freezes, and I can’t escape the dread—not just of getting sick, but of bringing the virus home to my family. To my children, husband, and mother.
At home, I remain vigilant, trying to avoid close proximity to anyone (which is a challenge with children). I wipe down door handles and steam clean the floors. Some days are easier than others, and the emotional weight can be overwhelming. On particularly tough days, I find myself retreating to the bathroom or lingering in the shower, hoping those extra minutes will shield my family from the most dangerous thing in our home: me.
Perhaps things will improve soon. I hold out hope, but I have a nagging feeling that we are yet to face the hardest challenges ahead—not only due to COVID-19. For many, the emotional strain will likely increase as the pandemic continues. The forthcoming days, weeks, or even months will test us all.
I just hope I can endure this—not just physically but mentally. I long for the day when I can breathe without concern over proximity, sit down for dinner without the ritual of stripping and disinfecting, and allow my kids to return to school, parks, and friends. I yearn for restful nights without the oppressive fear of unintentionally harming someone I love or even a stranger.
That day may come, but it isn’t today.
For further insights on navigating these challenges, consider checking out this article and exploring authoritative resources like this one and this excellent guide.
Summary: The author, a pharmacist, shares their daily struggles during the COVID-19 pandemic, detailing the rigorous safety measures they take to protect their family from potential exposure. Despite the challenges, they remain committed to their profession while grappling with fear and anxiety.