Trigger Warning: Child Loss
Grief’s weight can be overwhelming, and it often takes experiencing it firsthand to truly understand its depths. My daughter passed away due to SIDS, and it was in that suffocating fog of sorrow that I learned what it meant to live in a state of constant struggle—moment to moment, feeling as if I were lost in a haze. The things I once deemed significant faded into the background. Tasks that usually took a short amount of time now stretched into what felt like hours. I found myself leaving the house in mismatched shoes, neglecting my personal care for days, and narrowly avoiding accidents behind the wheel.
Amidst the chaos of this emotional whirlwind, I faced the daunting task of planning a funeral. This ceremony would not only mark the end of my time with her but also symbolize the beginning of a new chapter in my life—a journey marked by profound grief. The short window between my daughter’s passing and her burial left me scrambling to preserve precious memories, but I was at a loss. How could I encapsulate an entire lifetime of love in just five days? I organized the funeral, selected photographs, and crafted heartfelt messages, desperately clinging to my identity as her mother.
Once the burial was over, I returned home and lay on my bed, my heart sinking as I realized: I had no lock of her hair.
In the immediate aftermath of loss, it can be hard to focus on preserving memories. Many parents in mourning find it essential to hold onto something tangible from their child. Through conversations with other grieving parents and stillbirth doulas, I’ve compiled a list of eight keepsakes that bereaved parents often wish they had taken the time to secure.
1. Lock of Hair
The desire for even a small piece of my daughter’s hair lingers. One of my deepest regrets is not requesting this or even cutting a piece myself. Having something so personal would have allowed me to physically hold onto a part of her essence.
2. Mommy and Me/Daddy and Me Lockets
As my baby’s casket was about to close, I placed my favorite sundress and a note inside with her. If I had thought ahead, I would have purchased matching lockets for us—one for her to take with her and one for me to cherish. How meaningful it would be to wear a locket knowing our hearts were linked forever.
3. Hand and Footprints
Hospitals often provide hand and footprints for infants who have passed, but if this isn’t done, the funeral home can help upon request. If the first attempt doesn’t meet your expectations, don’t hesitate to ask for new ones. This small effort can be invaluable to a grieving parent. If you anticipate the loss, consider creating Christmas ornaments with these prints.
4. Breast Milk Keepsakes
For mothers who wished to breastfeed or those who had that opportunity cut short, keepsakes made from breast milk—such as rings or necklaces—are a beautiful way to honor the special bond between mother and child.
5. Placenta Mold
For those who have experienced stillbirth or the loss of a terminally ill child, having the placenta molded can be significant. This tangible piece of life can help validate the child’s existence amidst the overwhelming trauma of loss.
6. Hand and Foot Molds
Many hospitals and funeral homes offer the option to create molds of hands and feet. I have a mold of my daughter’s foot, and it brings me comfort to trace the outline of her tiny toes.
7. Preserved Funeral Flowers
Funerals serve as a space for loved ones to say goodbye, and even though child loss doesn’t bring closure, memorial services can ease the shock of grief. Preserving flowers from the funeral can help keep those memories alive, providing a sense of connection to the day.
8. Pictures from the Funeral
While it may be a controversial choice, I took photos of my daughter during her funeral. The care the mortician took made her appear as if she were peacefully sleeping. These images serve as a reminder when intrusive thoughts cloud my memories.
Grief eventually shifts, often allowing us to reflect on what we wish we had done differently. There are no guidelines for navigating the loss of a child, but many have walked this path before us. It’s essential to do what we can with the resources available. From someone who understands, I urge you to consider preserving the memories that may one day become invaluable.
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Summary:
Losing a child is an unimaginable grief that can leave parents feeling lost and regretful about what they didn’t preserve. This article explores crucial keepsakes that bereaved parents often wish they had, such as locks of hair, matching lockets, and handprints. It emphasizes the importance of tangible memories in the healing process.