I believed I had a solid grasp on postpartum anxiety — that is, until my daughter, who has a history of OCD, gave birth to a premature baby on the very day the pandemic was announced.
With over 30 years of experience in studying, researching, and practicing maternal mental health, my work has been recognized as pivotal in bringing attention to prenatal and postpartum depression and anxiety. I have been celebrated as a pioneer in this important field. Yet, when my daughter called me the night before my scheduled two-day professional training to say, “Mom, my water just broke,” all my expertise became irrelevant.
“What?! Are you serious?” I exclaimed, an unfiltered response that was neither maternal nor expert-like. My daughter was four weeks early, and this was not part of the plan. The hope of a restful night before a busy weekend evaporated quickly. I had to shift gears immediately, ensuring she was safe and prepared for what lay ahead.
As I navigated these converging responsibilities, I found myself torn between my professional knowledge and my role as a mother. Fast forward to the NICU: everyone was stable, but the baby needed extra time to grow. My daughter returned home a few days before her son was ready, and we worked hard to shield her from the onslaught of news about the coronavirus. Hospital protocols like visitor restrictions seemed manageable under the circumstances, even if they added to the stress.
Then, the pandemic changed everything. Suddenly, uncertainty loomed like a dark cloud over us, as if someone were poised to press a button that would unleash chaos. We stayed in our bubble, following precautions: staying home, washing hands, sanitizing surfaces repeatedly.
My daughter had learned to manage her anxiety over the years, developing routines to cope with her fears about germs and illness. She was adept at caring for herself, often able to find humor in her compulsive habits. But now, with her baby at home, the stakes felt different. The world was grappling with a reality that mirrored her internal struggles, where safety felt elusive.
My own anxiety didn’t make things easier. It led to conversations I never expected to have. “Mom, why is he sleeping so much? I can’t wake him up,” she asked, while I stood there, feeling just as unsure. “He’s fine. He’s a preemie,” I said, though I questioned everything. “What does it mean that he’s sleeping so much?”
As the questions piled up, I felt increasingly helpless. “Should I start with this breast? Is he getting enough milk? I found a lump; is it cancer?” My mind raced with worry. All I could offer was to reach out to someone from my team for help. It had been decades since I’d breastfed, and the fear of complications loomed large.
Anxiety has a way of distorting reality, convincing us to focus on irrational thoughts. The best strategy is to ignore these fears and redirect our attention to what brings us comfort.
My daughter is a remarkable mother, and I admire her resilience as she navigates the bewildering experience of becoming a parent amid such chaos. Despite the need for gratitude during these dark times, the juxtaposition of thankfulness and uncertainty fueled our shared anxiety.
Postpartum anxiety took on an unprecedented significance, amplified by the global turmoil. While my daughter’s anxiety was expected, mine felt like an added burden. Yet, I was struck by her ability to manage her OCD, which seemed to ground her in the midst of chaos.
We both understood that new mothers can face significant challenges while also being competent caregivers. It’s possible to feel scared yet still care for your child. You can experience uncertainty and find ways to regain control. You can experience overwhelming anxiety and still cherish joyful moments.
As both a mother and a grandmother, I find comfort in knowing that my daughter will have her highs and lows. Her lifelong coping strategies are helping her maintain a sense of control during a time when many feel lost. For more insights on navigating these challenges, you might find this blog post helpful: Home Insemination Kit. Additionally, you can learn more about fertility in a comprehensive way at Facts About Fertility. If you’re looking for expert information on related topics, check out Intracervical Insemination.
In summary, while my professional background in maternal mental health is invaluable, the reality of motherhood often brings unexpected challenges that can leave even the most knowledgeable feeling vulnerable.