A few years back, my children’s elementary school organized a “Donuts with Dad” event for Father’s Day, which was intended to be a sweet gesture. The concept seemed simple: invite fathers for a morning snack to celebrate their role in their children’s lives with donuts and handmade cards. However, the execution quickly turned exclusionary, highlighting my eldest child, Mia, who was then in kindergarten. Mia and her siblings do not have a father.
While my children often create Father’s Day gifts for their grandfather or a family friend, an event that emphasizes their lack of a father shifts the focus from celebration to exclusion. Even Mia’s best friend noticed and expressed concern that she might feel lonely. I reassured him that she would be fine and pointed out that several of their friends also lacked fathers.
No child should bear the burden of explaining their family dynamics in a school setting. Similarly, other students shouldn’t feel anxiety over their peers’ situations. Building connections between home and school is vital, but we must adopt more inclusive methods to acknowledge all caregivers in a child’s life.
The Pennsylvania Department of Education recently shared examples of inclusive event titles on their Facebook page, emphasizing the importance of broadening our definitions of family. They noted, “Inviting caregivers to school events fosters strong communities, but traditional labels can inadvertently exclude some students.” By simply altering the wording of events, schools can better accommodate all types of caregivers. Suggestions such as “Breakfast with Buddies,” “Pancakes with Pals,” and “Muffins in the Morning” provide options that don’t specify parents or grandparents. Other ideas included “Bagels with Buddies” and “Muffins with Mentors.” This shift helps create an environment where children feel comfortable sharing their home lives without the fear of standing out.
My children have two caregivers: myself, their nonbiological parent, and their biological mother. I transitioned after their birth, and they still affectionately call me “Mama,” a term that does not bother me. However, attending events specifically for mothers feels too binary, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable at a father-focused event either. Such labels can alienate caregivers who don’t fit traditional molds. Why not foster an inclusive atmosphere right from the event’s title? It’s essential to create a welcoming space without implying that some attendees need special permission to join.
This isn’t just about changing events that may inadvertently harm children from LGBTQIA+ families; it’s about benefiting all families. Children are raised by single parents, grandparents, foster parents, and others who may not fit the traditional family structure. Some kids might have parents who are unable to attend due to health issues, while others may have lost a parent. Events designed solely for a child’s mom or dad can evoke feelings of trauma or shame.
Moreover, these events often reinforce outdated gender roles and stereotypes. For instance, “Daddy-Daughter Dances” imply that such moments are exclusive to heterosexual pairings, making it uncomfortable for children without fathers or for those who identify as nonbinary. Renaming such events to “Family Dances” or “Party with a Pal” allows for a more inclusive environment where any caregiver can participate without scrutiny.
Adopting inclusive language doesn’t diminish the significance of maternal or paternal roles; instead, it celebrates diverse family structures and acknowledges the love and support children receive, regardless of labels. This approach sends a crucial message to all students. To cultivate inclusive learning environments, we must affirm diverse identities and foster allyship. The aim is to nurture children who embrace and celebrate diversity.
My children take pride in our queer family and are open about our story, my pronouns, and their donor siblings. However, even they occasionally feel pressured when asked about their dad. Many other students face similar challenges, lacking the confidence to be different in a traditional setting.
When organizing school events, prioritize inclusivity or consider rethinking the event altogether. For more insights on family structures and caregiving, you can explore this excellent resource on donor insemination or visit this related blog post for more ideas. Additionally, check out Intracervical Insemination for authoritative information on related topics.
In summary, schools must prioritize inclusivity in their events to ensure that every child and caregiver feels welcomed and valued. Only then can we cultivate a truly supportive educational environment.