Welcome to the Home Insemination Kit’s advice column, where our team offers insights on life, love, body image, friendships, parenting, and all things perplexing.
This week, let’s address a pressing concern: What should you do when you’ve cherished a specific name for your baby for years — perhaps even your whole life — only to find that a close relative has claimed it before you had the chance?
Dear Home Insemination Kit,
I’m in a tough spot. My cousin and I are both expecting daughters, and she’s due a couple of months ahead of me. Recently, she revealed that she’s naming her daughter after our grandmother, and the name is Adelina — the same name I had set my heart on! I’m absolutely furious because she knows how much I wanted to use it. I never considered a backup name because I was so sure about this one. I feel like she’s taken my baby name, and I’m beyond upset. What should I do?
First things first: It’s essential to accept a hard truth — no one can truly “steal” a baby name. If that were the case, there wouldn’t have been over 19,000 children named Emma in the U.S. last year alone. As disappointing as it may be, your cousin has every right to choose any name she likes.
If her baby isn’t born yet, you might consider having a calm and open conversation with her about your feelings. However, temper your expectations; she’s likely already envisioned her daughter being called Adelina, and she may even have decorated a nursery with that name.
Your cousin probably didn’t mean to hurt you; she likely has a deep admiration for your grandmother and simply wanted to honor her with this name. Since you don’t see each other often, why not consider the possibility of both daughters sharing the same name? After all, it’s a family name and could lead to some confusion only a few times a year while allowing you to keep the name you adore. Alternatively, consider using a variation — if she calls her daughter “Addie,” perhaps you could name yours Adelina and use “Lina” as a nickname.
If sharing the exact name feels too difficult, think about similar names that also pay homage. Instead of Adelina, perhaps you could go with Adelaide, Adelyn, or Adeline. You might even use a name with the same meaning; for instance, since Adelina means “noble,” you could choose Adara instead. Additionally, using your grandmother’s middle name could serve as a lovely tribute.
Ultimately, you need to reflect on what matters most to you. Is confronting your cousin worth the potential family tension? Relationships with relatives often endure over time, even if they’re infrequent. If expressing your anger is something you feel strongly about, make sure to approach the situation thoughtfully.
Rest assured, regardless of the name you choose, it will perfectly suit your daughter. When you look at her, you’ll likely feel that her name, whatever it may be, was meant for her — even if it’s not Adelina.
For more insights, check out our other blog post on baby names here and learn from experts at Intracervical Insemination about this topic. You can also find excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination at Resolve.
Summary
When faced with the dilemma of a relative using your chosen baby name, consider the implications of confronting them. While it’s frustrating, remember that names aren’t proprietary. Explore alternatives or variations, and think about the long-term relationship with your cousin. Ultimately, your daughter’s name will feel right when the time comes, no matter what it is.