I find myself in tears—it’s barely 8:46 AM and I’m crying. It’s over something that may seem trivial. After dropping my kids off at school, they got to choose the music for our drive, which usually means some Disney classic. This time, Moana took the spotlight. Instead of a few songs, they insisted on the full album. As the last child exited the car, I forgot to turn it off and began humming along as I navigated my way to the pediatric office.
Then the song “Know Who You Are” played—the moment when Moana restores the heart to the lava monster, Te Ka, unveiling the stunning island of Te Fiti. The lyrics resonated deeply:
“I have crossed the horizon to find you,
I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from inside you,
But this does not define you,
This is not who you are,
You know who you are.”
And there I was, sobbing, tears streaming down as I struggled to keep my focus on the road. My heart ached because, for so long, I had difficulty recognizing the true essence of my eldest daughter. She had severe colic as a baby, which led to my own postpartum depression. Potty training was a challenge, sleep was elusive, and her toddler years were marked by tantrums. From the very start, she was grappling with an overwhelming level of anxiety.
My partner and I sought guidance from her pediatrician and mental health professionals. We underwent assessments, explored occupational therapy, and even tested for autism. The effort felt relentless, as if we were desperately trying to hold her—and our family—together. At times, her anxiety seemed to overshadow her true self.
Yet, amidst the struggles, there were glimpses of the brilliant, creative child she is—a sensitive soul who loves storytelling and imagination. In her happiest moments, she radiates joy, cuddling close for bedtime stories and leading her sister in imaginative play. Unfortunately, those moments were often eclipsed by anxiety that could surge in an instant.
As a pediatrician, I understand that all kids can struggle with emotional regulation, especially when they’re tired or stressed. But what we were experiencing was different. Many nights were spent sitting against her bedroom door as she lashed out over unexpected changes or worries that overwhelmed her. I could only hold her, wishing for the day she could break free from this invisible grip.
As time passed, I watched her younger sister develop emotional maturity, often comforting her with phrases like, “It’s okay, sweetie, it will be okay.” This led us to seek help from a psychiatrist after observing another family in my clinic whose six-year-old began anti-anxiety medication. I approached the idea of medication for my daughter with trepidation, but I knew we couldn’t continue on this exhausting path.
It took about two weeks for the medication to take effect. While she remained a lively six-year-old, her emotional lows began to stabilize. Her outbursts became less intense, and challenges that once felt insurmountable became manageable.
Together, we worked to restore balance, combining medication with therapy to reshape her responses to daily stressors. It was as if, after a long quest for the daughter I knew was hidden beneath her anxiety, I was able to place her heart back in its rightful place, allowing her to blossom into the extraordinary, yet still quirky, child I always believed she was.
We continue to prioritize her mental health. Bedtime is strictly at 8 PM, meals are never skipped, and we carefully avoid activities that might trigger her anxiety. Now, she articulates her feelings, expressing how certain situations make “her heart buzz and her tummy feel funny,” rather than reacting with anger.
If you’re reading this, perhaps you’re facing similar challenges with your child who seems distant or is acting out. Remember, this behavior does not define who they are. Strive to uncover their true selves. If they are young, ensure you seek the support you need while caring for them. For older children, engage in open conversations to understand their behaviors better.
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Summary:
This article discusses the emotional challenges that children may face, particularly in cases of anxiety and how parents can navigate these difficulties. The author shares personal experiences with her daughter, detailing the journey through emotional turmoil and the eventual decision to seek professional help. Emphasizing that children’s behaviors do not define them, it encourages parents to advocate for their children’s mental health and to seek out resources for support.