During my middle school years, my grandmother was diagnosed with leukemia on Christmas Eve, which meant she had a weakened immune system. My mother emphasized the importance of shielding her from germs during this challenging time. I was told that what seemed like a minor cold to me could have severe consequences for her health. I quickly learned the importance of rigorous hand-washing, wearing masks when her counts were low, and avoiding touching my face while I was near her.
As an anxious child, I took her advice to heart and began washing my hands excessively. I would excuse myself from class just to scrub my palms clean. If anyone at the lunch table had the slightest sniffle, I would eat alone, and my sleep suffered due to my constant worry. My obsession with cleanliness led to cracked, bleeding hands, which only fueled my anxiety further.
Now, as the COVID-19 pandemic unfolds, I find myself revisiting that familiar germaphobe anxiety. There’s a clear distinction between being a neat freak and a germaphobe. Neat freaks seek a tidy space, while germaphobes are obsessed with disinfection. I can’t claim to be a neat freak—after all, I have four kids—but I definitely fit into the germaphobe category, making this period particularly challenging.
While I’m not overly worried about my family contracting the virus—our health puts us in a reasonably safe position—my concerns lie primarily with my 85-year-old grandfather, who recently underwent major heart surgery. He is at a much higher risk of severe illness from COVID-19. It’s the vulnerable population, especially the elderly and those with compromised immune systems, that I worry about the most.
I refuse to be careless about the virus; the thought of my negligence harming someone else is unbearable. Thus, I find myself in a cycle of washing, disinfecting, and bleaching—repeating the process over and over. Yes, these actions are necessary in our current climate, but for someone with germaphobia, it’s a source of overwhelming anxiety.
Typically, I experience heightened germ fears during cold and flu season, but COVID-19 has amplified these feelings significantly. It’s not just about cleaning; it’s the sleepless nights spent worrying whether my kids have washed their hands thoroughly. It’s the anxiety of using hand sanitizer repeatedly while grocery shopping, then returning home to sanitize again. It’s scrubbing down canned goods with bleach water before daring to put them away. The “what if” scenarios fill my mind, robbing me of peace.
I understand that some of my behaviors may seem irrational, and I’m fully aware of that. Yet, this is the reality of living with germ-related anxiety during a pandemic. I constantly question if I’ve cleaned enough, if I’ve sanitized thoroughly, and even whether I just touched my face with unwashed hands.
There seem to be two camps of people navigating this pandemic: those who downplay the seriousness of COVID-19, likening it to the flu, and those who recognize the very real dangers it poses to vulnerable individuals. When I voice my concerns, I often feel judged for my anxiety, but my worries stem from a place of deep care for those around me.
Everyone is facing their own battles during this stressful period. Some are struggling to make ends meet while working from home, while others are choosing to self-quarantine due to pre-existing conditions that heighten their risk of severe illness. For those of us with germaphobia, our anxiety is heightened by the fear of unknown germs.
We must remember that just because someone else’s struggles don’t mirror our own, it doesn’t mean they are any less valid. We’re all doing our best to navigate our unique challenges. Kindness and understanding can go a long way in helping us through this tough time.
For more insights on coping with anxiety during these uncertain times, check out this post on managing fears and resources for family-building options via intrauterine insemination.
Summary:
The COVID-19 pandemic has heightened feelings of germaphobia, especially for those who have experienced anxiety around germs in the past. While concerns about the virus primarily focus on the health of vulnerable populations, the stress of constant sanitization and fear of negligence can be overwhelming. Acknowledging the unique struggles of others and maintaining kindness can help us all cope better during these trying times.