When I step out with even a handful of my nine kids, I can practically feel the stares and hear the comments from onlookers—some genuinely curious, others not so much. It’s a spectacle, no doubt. With so many little ones in tow, it’s only natural for people to react. I understand that seeing one person managing this many children can evoke everything from curiosity to annoyance, and maybe even a touch of admiration, given how adorable they are.
I often get approached with the same remarks, time and again. Yes, I’m busy. Yes, I have my hands full. And yes, they all share the same father—though that’s really none of your business.
Let me clarify: I don’t mind honest inquiries or even misguided jokes. They don’t bother me, even if they become repetitive. Strangers initiating conversation about my large family doesn’t ruffle my feathers. I can handle the concerned glances and sideways looks with ease.
What Really Gets Under My Skin
However, two things really get under my skin. First off, I need people to stop with the pity. Comments like “You poor thing, I hope those kids give you a break” or “I could never handle that many kids; it would drive me insane” are not welcome. My children are not a burden, and I refuse to allow them to think they are anything less than the greatest joy in my life.
Sure, I’m often exhausted and barely keeping it together like any other mom. Taking kids shopping isn’t exactly a peaceful outing. I’m usually spent before I even step inside the store. But I would never want my kids to feel they’re a source of stress or that I’d be better off without them. Kids pick up on these things, and I won’t have them believing they’re anything less than perfect to me. Life is tiring, and adult responsibilities can be overwhelming. But I’m not a superhero; I’m just another person navigating life, which, let’s be honest, I probably do less effectively than others.
And to anyone who thinks they’d go crazy with a bunch of kids? You wouldn’t. You’d love each one fiercely. Each child adds a unique layer to your existence that you wouldn’t want to miss. You push through tough times because that’s what parents do. It’s like labor—you endure because you have to, even when it feels unbearable. But as soon as you hold that little one, all the discomfort fades away.
I am a better person because of my kids, not in spite of them. Every ounce of fatigue is worth it, and I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. If you still feel the urge to pity me, keep it to yourself.
Respecting Family Choices
Secondly, please stop assuming you need to comment on someone else’s family size. Parents of large families and individuals without kids face relentless questioning and unsolicited advice. “When are you going to have kids?” or “You’d be such a great parent!” can be painful for those who are struggling with infertility or have chosen to delay or forgo having children. For many, these comments can trigger a wave of emotions like disappointment and grief.
You never know the battles someone is facing. So, if you see a mom with a bunch of kids, assume she loves them and offer a kind smile or word of encouragement. If you can’t manage that, just walk on by. And if you encounter a woman without kids, remember that you have no idea what she may be going through, so keep your thoughts to yourself.
Life is difficult enough without the judgment of strangers. Let’s choose to be kind and supportive of one another instead of imposing our personal preferences on others. For a deeper dive into related themes, check out this post: Home Insemination Kit and learn more about family planning at Hopkins Medicine. Additionally, if you’re interested in alternative paths to family building, Intracervical Insemination is an excellent resource.
In summary, let’s stop the unsolicited judgments and embrace one another’s journeys with compassion and understanding. We all face challenges in our lives, so why not extend grace instead of criticism?