My partner and I have had numerous discussions regarding our love languages. Over eight years, we transitioned from being childless to parenting four kids, one of whom has special needs. Amidst the chaos of tucking kids in at night, attending practices and therapies, mediating sibling squabbles, and preparing snacks, carving out time for each other feels nearly impossible. Yet, I recognize the importance of expressing my partner’s love language—words of affirmation—while he reciprocates with thoughtful gifts. This mutual understanding fosters our love and appreciation for one another.
We apply the concept of love languages to our children as well. Recently, we created a connection list for each child, identifying meaningful ways to spend quality time together. If our relationship and parenting thrive on love languages, why shouldn’t self-care be guided by the same principles? When I stumbled upon a graphic by Emma Carter that highlighted self-care love languages, I was instantly intrigued. While self-care is essential, this was the first time I truly contemplated what I specifically need to nurture myself.
Understanding Love Languages
For those unfamiliar with love languages, Dr. Gary Chapman popularized five distinct types. Fortunately, you can take a free quiz online to determine your love languages and their hierarchy. Typically, you’ll discover a primary love language, along with secondary ones. If you have a partner, encourage them to take the quiz too. The premise is simple: express love in a way that resonates with the other person, rather than through your own preferred love language.
Initially, I was doubtful. I often find myself rolling my eyes at self-help trends. If a book garners too much popularity, I’m likely to steer clear. Time constraints further hinder my ability to delve into advice from self-improvement “experts.” However, I found a free, used copy of The Five Love Languages and decided to give it a go. To my surprise, the insights were straightforward yet impactful when applied to relationships.
Carter explained to Home Insemination Kit, “Understanding self-love languages is crucial because many people mistakenly believe that self-love and self-care are uniform experiences. Recognizing the individuality in these concepts can empower more people to embrace self-love.” This struck a chord with me.
Redefining Self-Care
When I think of self-care, I often picture the clichéd, and frequently privileged, activities marketed to women: manicures, spa days, solo dinners with a good book, or weekend getaways. The truth is, I lack the time, financial means, or childcare for such indulgences. Besides, I’m not particularly fond of manicures, massages make me uneasy, and dining alone sounds dull—I’d just end up scrolling through my phone while munching on fries.
Over the years, I’ve engaged in various self-care practices. I’ve created a self-care box on my bathroom counter filled with items that bring me joy, such as teeth-whitening strips and a dry skin brush. On occasion, I dash to Target for “essentials” just as my kids are settling down for the night, leaving my partner to handle bedtime solo. I’ve accepted that spontaneous weekend trips to Mexico are off the table until my kids are grown—15 years, at least!
Meditation has never resonated with me, and I often lack the energy to get dolled up for a dinner out after 4 PM. My ideal evening? Chips and salsa in bed while binge-watching Parks and Rec.
Identifying My Self-Care Love Language
So, what is my primary self-care love language? The insightful graphic provided clarity. Reviewing it, I noticed that my love language results from Chapman’s quiz mirrored my self-care preferences. I enjoy receiving gifts. It’s no shock that I delight in sneaking off to T.J.Maxx. Scoring even a small treat, like a stylish hair clip or comfy pajamas, brings me joy. Yes, it’s all about the little things.
The best part? You don’t have to limit yourself to one love language. While I have a primary self-care love language, I’m free to explore others. Since my only alone time is in the shower, it makes sense that physical touch is appealing. Activities like organizing, planning, and attending therapy align with Acts of Service. My Netflix and chips-salsa evenings fall under Quality Time, and journaling contributes to Words of Affirmation.
Having a visual guide to new self-care practices is important, especially for busy parents like me who rarely find time to reflect on personal needs and desires. Honestly, I can’t even recall what I had for breakfast today, let alone devise a rejuvenation plan after a long day of parenting and work. If I can locate my phone and coffee without any kids being sick, it’s a good day.
Integrating Self-Care into My Routine
Now that I’ve identified my self-love languages, I can better integrate them into my routine. While I won’t abandon my evening chips and salsa, I’m eager to incorporate additional self-care practices, thanks to insights from social media. For more ideas on engaging activities with children, check out Intracervical Insemination, which offers valuable resources.
In summary, understanding my self-care love languages has opened new avenues for nurturing myself amidst a busy family life. By recognizing and embracing these languages, I can enhance my self-care routine and overall well-being.