It was an unexpected warm winter Sunday in the Midwest. The sun was shining bright, and the temperatures were rising, luring the entire town, including my family, out of our stifling indoor routines filled with Netflix binges and endless snacking. After months of being cooped up, the park was a welcome escape.
When we arrived, the parking lot was nearly packed. I maneuvered our minivan into an open spot, and before I could fully put the car in park, my kids were already leaping from the sliding doors, eager to hit the playground. I waved my older three forward, reminding them to keep an eye on their younger siblings as I took my three-year-old by the hand. We made our way to the playground, where we set down our bag of water bottles and began to enjoy some playtime.
Shortly after, another family arrived—a couple with two young white daughters, likely around four and six years old. The mother, coffee cup in hand, informed her girls that she and their father would be taking a walk along the track that encircled the playground. The girls nodded and rushed off to join other kids in a game of tag. The parents strolled away, their figures quickly fading from view as they engaged in conversation with another couple.
As I watched, the older girl began to look increasingly anxious. Before I could intervene, she dashed toward the track, heading in the opposite direction from her parents, only to find the bathrooms closed for the winter. Meanwhile, the parents remained oblivious, still chatting away. Should I wave to them? I couldn’t leave my own kids unattended. Just then, the parents noticed their daughter running further down the path and began making their way back. It felt like I was witnessing a privilege that I could never take for granted.
I was astonished. As a parent of four Black children, I would never dream of leaving them to roam freely in a public space, even if I was nearby. The harsh reality is that Black children in America face a different set of dangers and stereotypes that can make them targets. Each visit to the park reminds me of the tragic story of Tamir Rice, a 12-year-old Black boy who was killed while playing in a park with a toy gun.
During this very park outing, I witnessed the stark contrast in parental responses based on race. My son, along with two Asian twin boys and a white boy, were playing together, pretending to be dinosaurs atop a plastic rock tower. Suddenly, the father of the white boy, who had been ignoring him just moments earlier, approached and called him away. The boys were simply having fun, yet the presence of children of color immediately raised alarms for him.
I do my best to focus on my own kids, but it’s hard not to notice the differences in how parents of color monitor their kids compared to some white parents who seemed more engrossed in their phones or absent altogether. The reality is that white children are often perceived as safe by default, while children of color, like mine, are not.
My children are burdened with rules that their white peers do not face. We prohibit any play involving toy guns outside our home—even brightly colored ones that are clearly not real. They must always keep a receipt for any purchase, no matter how small. We’ve rehearsed how to act in encounters with law enforcement, and they know not to put their hands in their pockets or wear hoods in stores.
These rules may seem unfair, but they are essential for their safety. Monitoring my children is about protecting them from the very real threats that exist in society—not about stifling their independence or fun. I want them to understand these rules now, so they can navigate the world safely.
While all parents worry about the dangers of social media, bullying, and more, parents of children of color face an additional fear—the threat of negative perceptions from others. The reality is that our kids often encounter fearful responses simply for being who they are.
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In summary, a simple day at the park turned into a stark reminder of the realities that Black children face in America. The differences in parental vigilance based on race are glaring, underscoring the necessity for children of color to navigate a world filled with unique challenges. By instilling cautionary principles in my children, I aim to prepare them for the road ahead.