For the first time in eight weeks, my partner had a complete day off from work. We dove into endless games of Candy Land with the kids, tackled some long-overdue cleaning, grilled up delicious steaks, and then settled in on fresh sheets to enjoy a classic movie together. It was a delightful day.
However, as the evening progressed, I found myself growing increasingly anxious. The thought of the next day loomed over me, bringing a wave of overwhelming dread. Lying there, holding my partner’s hand, I felt a sense of resentment towards the approaching day that would leave me alone—well, surrounded by four children, but still feeling isolated and stressed, which makes it hard to be the “fun mom” I aspire to be. Tomorrow mirrored yesterday, and the days before that. Even with my partner right next to me, I already missed him.
While I often take on the role of the main caregiver, I do recognize that I’m not a single parent. My partner, though frequently away, is a vital financial contributor to our family. But being a stay-at-home mom to a spouse who works seven days a week isn’t always the blessing some might think it is.
I contribute a small income to our household, but I do it from home. My work often extends into the late hours when I’m already running on empty. Balancing motherhood with a job and a myriad of other responsibilities can be overwhelming. The constant cycle of dirty dishes, laundry, homeschooling, and managing what feels like a never-ending illness in our home only adds to the stress. These countless “mom tasks” have become the invisible weight I carry daily.
I appreciate my many roles, especially since I can do them from home with my children. Yet, because my partner is the primary breadwinner, it sometimes feels like my own needs are sidelined.
It’s easy to point fingers at where our relationship may be faltering when you haven’t experienced it firsthand. But when your partner is working every day, it’s hard to shake the guilt of voicing your frustrations.
For the first time, we’re achieving financial stability. We’re no longer living paycheck to paycheck, and we even have a healthy balance in our bank account. We’re finally looking ahead to the future, which is why we’re both sacrificing pieces of ourselves. Given that my partner’s demanding job is leading us toward our financial goals, I often struggle with the idea of asking him to take time off. I see the hard work he’s putting in to provide for us, and when he is home, I don’t want to burden him with chores.
At the same time, I find myself frustrated for not acknowledging my own worth. In my efforts to support him, I sometimes neglect my own well-being.
This isn’t a competition over who does more or when it’s done. We both work hard, and we’re finally enjoying the fruits of our labor.
As a mother, there are responsibilities I handle that often go unnoticed until they’re left undone. I carry the mental load of our household. If I don’t initiate tasks, they likely won’t get done. And if they do, it’s usually because I asked for help.
This can mean starting a load of laundry at 11 PM or ensuring all four kids go to their doctor’s appointments on time. It’s the little things that often slip through the cracks. While my partner leaves work every night to unwind at home, for me, home is my workplace. Once the kids are tucked in, his relaxation begins, while my responsibilities only ramp up.
My obligations don’t adhere to a strict schedule. I often work in yesterday’s sweatpants, field requests from demanding little ones, and my shirts bear the stains of countless messes.
Nevertheless, I too work every day of the week—just like my spouse—and my needs matter just as much.
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In summary, navigating a household where one partner works every day can be exhausting. While the financial benefits are appreciated, it’s essential to recognize and value both partners’ contributions and needs in the relationship to create a harmonious family life.