Sometimes, it takes a complete breakdown to rebuild oneself. Just six weeks ago, I found myself in agonizing pain that stemmed from viral keratitis. Shortly thereafter, my forehead and scalp erupted in painful, itchy blisters. After numerous visits to healthcare professionals, I finally received a clear diagnosis: shingles. While this condition typically affects older adults or those with weakened immune systems, it can also strike younger individuals under extreme stress and chronic sleep deprivation—both of which had been my reality for far too long.
The Rollercoaster of 2019
The year 2019 was a rollercoaster, filled with both joy and challenges. In January, we welcomed our daughter, a delightful and cheerful addition to our family of four. However, she has faced her share of hurdles, requiring me to be her primary advocate during medical appointments for issues ranging from tongue and lip ties to dairy intolerance and low platelet counts. I’ve accompanied her to countless appointments while also striving to maintain my bond with my three-year-old son.
Having a supportive partner by my side has been crucial, yet I find myself utterly exhausted—more than I have ever been. Since becoming a mother in 2016, I feel like I have been merely surviving, and the weight of it all has begun to suffocate me. I’m losing my sense of self and feel increasingly disconnected from my own interests and passions. At night, when the kids finally sleep, I confront the overwhelming silence and feel lost in my own thoughts.
The Ripple Effect
This emotional and physical neglect has not only affected me but has also rippled through my family. While I try to shield my children from my struggles, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to hide my feelings from my husband, who likely senses the strain as well. I must admit, I don’t even know who I could confide in about this.
Looking Ahead to 2020
As I enter 2020, I am determined to focus on personal growth and grounding myself. I aim to reconnect with the activities that bring me joy and stability, nurturing my inner strength until my light shines brightly again. I’m ready to explore new paths, allowing my heart to guide me instead of rigid goals.
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In summary, my struggle with shingles was a wake-up call, urging me to prioritize my well-being and reconnect with the parts of myself that have been lost. This year, I am committed to exploring what brings me joy and fulfillment.