At a recent community gathering, I noticed name tags were provided to facilitate introductions. I wrote my name (Jamie) and included my preferred gender neutral pronouns (they/them). This choice serves to communicate that my name and appearance do not solely define my gender identity. As a nonbinary person, I reject the labels of male and female, identifying instead as a blend of both or neither, depending on the day. I also include my pronouns to express that I won’t assume anyone else’s identity; if you don’t share your pronouns, I will ask.
Throughout the event, I observed that no one else had included their pronouns, which left me feeling somewhat isolated. Although I strive to advocate for myself and create a welcoming environment for others to share their identities, I often find myself in a position of having to educate those around me. It can be draining to navigate a world that doesn’t cater to those of us who are genderqueer, gender fluid, or nonbinary. Acknowledging that gender extends beyond the binary of male and female, and recognizing the existence of alternative pronouns, is essential.
Many are familiar with this concept; some may actively engage in practices that support marginalized communities, while others are still navigating these evolving discussions. However, the understanding of gender as a spectrum, along with the use of gender neutral pronouns, is not a recent development. Just as learning new cultural references doesn’t negate their historical significance, unfamiliarity with gender neutral pronouns shouldn’t diminish their importance or the need to respect all identities.
Let’s Explore Together
While I use they/them pronouns, they are far from the only gender neutral options available. Alternatives like ze/hir, xe/xem, and ze/zir are also commonly used in the gender nonbinary community. The key takeaway is this: when someone tells you their pronouns, you must use them. Defaulting to assumptions based on appearance is not only disrespectful but also harmful. It may feel simpler for you, but it conveys a lack of consideration for those of us who simply wish to be recognized for who we are.
For guidance on using gender neutral language, refer to resources like the Associated Press, the Chicago Manual of Style, or the LGBTQ Center at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. While I don’t expect you to dive into them right now, consider saving those links for future reference. Below are some practical examples for using gender neutral pronouns. I’ll illustrate with they/them and ze/hir, but remember, these are just a couple of the many options.
Practical Examples
Introducing Yourself:
“Hello, I’m [insert name]. I use they/them pronouns. What about you?”
“Hi, I’m [insert name], and I use he/him pronouns. This is my friend [insert name]. They use they/them. How would you prefer to be addressed?”
Referring to Others:
It’s a powerful act of allyship to use someone’s correct pronouns, even in their absence.
- “My friend [insert name] made this amazing dish; they’re a fantastic cook.”
- “[Insert name] can’t join us tonight; hir family needs some assistance with online banking.”
- “That water bottle isn’t mine; it’s hirs.”
- “I can’t believe how much [insert name] manages to do; they really need to take a break!”
- “I intended to message ze but got sidetracked by cat videos.”
Correcting Others:
One of the most supportive actions you can take is to correct someone who misgenders another person. Whether intentional or accidental, standing up for friends or colleagues helps alleviate the burden of educating others.
Alex: “[Insert name] will meet us at the café. She will be picking up [insert name].”
Jordan: “[Insert name] uses they/them pronouns, remember? They are picking up [insert name].”
Alex: “Oh, right! Thanks for the reminder.”
Self-Correction:
Mistakes are part of the learning process. When you slip up, the best course of action is to correct yourself and move forward. Don’t put the onus on the person you misgendered to comfort you. Acknowledge your mistake and strive to improve next time. And if someone corrects you, express gratitude.
Kathy: “I can’t wait to see [insert name]! I haven’t seen him—hir—in ages.”
Anna: “This is [insert name]. It is her—sorry, their—first time at this class.”
Conclusion
Learning to navigate these new linguistic choices may feel like acquiring a new language, but remember, you’re simply expanding your understanding of a language that has always been there. Your discomfort is minimal compared to the challenges faced by those of us who identify as gender nonbinary, yet the comfort you provide through your allyship is invaluable.
For further reading on gender neutral pronouns and their usage, check out this great resource on donor insemination, or for more insights on gender identity, visit this blog post, which dives deeper into these essential topics.
In summary, embracing and using gender neutral pronouns is an important step toward fostering inclusivity and respect for all identities. By understanding and normalizing these practices, we create a supportive environment for everyone.