My boyfriend gently runs his fingers through my hair when we kiss. He’s my biggest cheerleader, offering encouragement like, “Great job, babe,” when I return from a jog. He truly pays attention to how I feel and even compliments my outfits. When I share my feelings about something he did that upset me, he listens with genuine remorse and strives to make amends. We can work through our issues together after he gives me space to vent, even when I know I can be a bit irrational.
I’ve never had a partner who navigates tough situations like he does. Instead of getting defensive, he prioritizes finding a resolution while still maintaining his boundaries. It’s incredibly attractive.
And yes, the physical connection between us is electrifying. He encourages me to explore parts of myself I’ve always wanted to but was too scared to reveal. I’ll keep those spicy details for another day, but let’s just say I feel like I’ve won the lottery with him.
This man—so kind, respectful, and generous—feels like home. It’s as if I pre-ordered him years ago. After my divorce, I started envisioning the kind of relationship I wanted and the man I’d like to share it with. I dreamed of someone who could ignite that spark in me and make me feel comfortable enough to integrate him into my life with my children.
But let me be clear: things aren’t always perfect. We’re two divorced individuals trying to blend our lives while carrying the weight of past hurts. It’s challenging and messy, to say the least.
I often worried I might never find someone with whom I could navigate this complicated path, even though I desperately wanted to. Now, all signs indicate that I have found him, yet I struggle to fully trust it.
Everything is going so well; I’m head over heels in love. However, I find myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and feelings. I’ve tried to sabotage our happiness to shield myself from what seems like an unavoidable heartbreak.
Every morning is a battle against my negative thoughts. My mind instinctively seeks flaws in him as a reason to leave. The anxiety that accompanies feeling this good is paralyzing because I know that such happiness can be fleeting.
The suspense is unbearable, and sometimes I just want to take charge and end things myself rather than wait for the inevitable downfall. I recognize this isn’t healthy. Acting on every impulse would be unfair to both of us. I’m aware that I’m wrestling with trauma from my past marriage, and I’m doing my best to manage those thoughts. Yet, I’m genuinely terrified of losing him and the love we share simply because I can’t seem to leave it alone.
Divorce leaves behind a lingering fear. It’s like a stubborn odor in your kitchen; no matter how hard you scrub, it just won’t go away. Even when everything is going smoothly, I struggle to trust those positive feelings—at least, not yet.
But oh, how I long to trust again. I realize I’m creating my own prison of doubt, and if I don’t allow myself to enjoy this, I risk losing it altogether.
I’m making an effort to trust. I need to stop trying to ruin something beautiful simply because I can’t control how long these feelings will last. I don’t have to assume everything will work out perfectly; it may not.
What I must do is trust that I will always be there for myself. I have to believe I will know how to move on, whether we stay together forever or part ways next week. And I need to trust that I’ll be okay if I let things unfold naturally without obsessively searching for answers.
I remind myself that the tough lessons and challenging days from my past helped shape who I am today. I’m a happy woman in love, and I deserve to savor every moment of it. I can trust that I merit all the goodness that comes my way.
If you’re interested in exploring more about relationships and emotional journeys, check out this post on our blog. You can also find valuable insights on pregnancy after loss, and for even more information, visit Science Daily for the latest on fertility topics.
In summary, while I’m navigating the complexities of love and fear post-divorce, I’m learning to trust myself and the relationship I’ve built. It’s a journey filled with ups and downs, but I’m committed to embracing it.