In the whirlwind of parenting—going from zero to four kids in just eight years, with one having special needs—my partner, Jake, and I frequently discuss our love languages. Between snuggling our children to sleep, transporting them to practices and therapies, mediating sibling spats, and whipping up snacks, finding time for each other is a challenge. Yet, we know that making an effort to express love in ways that resonate with each other is crucial. For me, it means showering Jake with words of affirmation; for him, it’s about presenting me with thoughtful gifts. This mutual understanding keeps our bond strong even amidst the chaos.
We’ve even applied the concept of love languages to our children. Recently, we created connection lists tailored for each kid, figuring out how to spend quality time with them in ways they appreciate most. So, if we can nurture our relationship and parenting through love languages, why not extend that to self-care?
When I stumbled upon a graphic by Kelly Thompson detailing self-care love languages, I was instantly intrigued. While we often recognize the importance of self-care, this was my first time truly reflecting on what I personally need in order to cultivate it. If you’re unfamiliar with love languages, they were popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman and include five primary types. You can even take a free quiz to determine yours, discovering which love languages resonate the most with you.
Initially, I was a bit skeptical. I tend to roll my eyes at self-help trends and avoid popular books like the plague. But after finding a free copy of The Five Love Languages, I decided to give it a chance, and I’m grateful I did. The premise is straightforward yet can significantly enhance relationships when applied thoughtfully.
Thompson remarked, “Understanding self-love languages is vital because many people have a limited view of what self-love entails. Recognizing that it varies for everyone can empower people to focus more on their own self-love.” Isn’t that a powerful statement?
When I think of self-care, I often envision the typical and sometimes privileged options marketed to women—manicures, spa days, solo beach trips. The truth is, I lack the time, funds, and childcare for those activities. Plus, I’m not a fan of getting my nails done, massages make me uneasy, and dining alone sounds dull; I’d likely just scroll through my phone while munching on fries.
Over the years, I have tried a few self-care strategies. For example, I created a self-care box filled with items that bring me joy, such as teeth-whitening strips and a dry skin brush. I’ve also been known to make quick trips to Target for “essentials,” strategically timed to coincide with my kids’ bedtime, leaving Jake to handle the evening routine solo. Unfortunately, I’ve come to terms with the fact that a spontaneous weekend getaway is out of the question until my kids are grown—at least 15 years from now.
Meditation hasn’t stuck for me, either. After 4:00 PM, my energy wanes, making it hard to get glammed up for dinner with friends. My real goal? Simply to enjoy chips and salsa in bed while binge-watching my favorite show.
So, what is my primary self-care love language? The graphic helped me identify it. Interestingly, my self-care love language mirrors my love language as outlined in Chapman’s quiz: I cherish receiving gifts. It’s no surprise that I find joy in a quick trip to T.J.Maxx, where a single lovely item like a new hair clip or cozy pajama pants can brighten my day.
Here’s the good news: You’re not limited to one self-care love language. Just because you identify primarily with one doesn’t mean you can’t explore the others. Since my only alone time is in the shower, physical touch naturally comes into play. I also engage in activities that fall under Acts of Service, like organizing and planning. My cherished chips-salsa-Netflix marathon is a form of Quality Time, and I enjoy journaling, which aligns with Words of Affirmation.
Having a visual guide of self-care options is incredibly useful, especially for busy moms like me who struggle to find quiet moments for self-reflection. Honestly, some days, I can barely remember breakfast, let alone brainstorm ideas for recharging after a long day of parenting and work. If I can manage to locate my phone and coffee without any kids home sick, it’s a win.
Now that I recognize my self-love languages, I can intentionally incorporate them into my life. While I won’t forsake my beloved evening chips and salsa, I’m eager to introduce more self-care practices into my routine, thanks to insights gathered from social media. For more tips on self-care and to explore related topics, check out this link to one of our other blog posts and learn more from this authoritative source.
In summary, discovering my self-care love languages has opened my eyes to new ways of nurturing myself. By understanding what truly resonates with me, I can create a more fulfilling self-care routine that complements my life as a busy parent. This journey has reminded me that self-love is not one-size-fits-all, and we all have unique needs deserving of attention.