When I began sharing my journey of recovery from an eating disorder on Instagram, I never anticipated that I would one day be confronted for it. Throughout my efforts, I have strived to create an online community rooted in safety and inclusivity, and the overwhelmingly positive feedback I’ve received indicates that I’ve made significant strides in that direction. Drawing inspiration from the foundational principles of the body positivity movement, I advocate for the rights and dignity of individuals in bodies that society often views as “less than.” I also address the injustices of fatphobia and diet culture, celebrate life in a larger body, and aim to diminish the stigma surrounding mental health and trauma recovery.
However, I’ve learned that no matter how genuine your intentions, not everyone will resonate with your message, particularly when it challenges societal norms. While I anticipated some backlash from health critics, I never imagined that recounting my struggles in a thinner body would lead some to label me a skinny shamer. Yet, that’s precisely what transpired.
Recently, I shared a side-by-side image of myself: one photo captured me as a young adult battling body dysmorphia and extreme dieting, while the other showcased my current self, confidently embracing my larger body—a process I have cherished over the last three years. My intention was to transform the conventional “before and after” weight loss narratives, emphasizing that I have discovered my intrinsic worth and lovability in a body that many do not aspire to achieve.
“I once lived for a flat stomach and a slender figure,” I wrote. “I believed that gaining weight was synonymous with weakness and failure… I restricted my eating to the point where the idea of intuitive eating felt utterly daunting… I harshly judged those in larger bodies. Ironically, I believed I was in a larger body while enduring excruciating thinness.”
I shared that during my time in a thinner body, I never experienced true happiness or comfort; I was perpetually striving to lose more weight. Everything shifted when I gained 75 pounds after two pregnancies.
“Today, I feel at home in this version of myself, and weight loss or restrictive eating is simply not an option,” I expressed. “I love my fat body fiercely, and I refuse to jeopardize that love. My body may look vastly different now, but I couldn’t be more grateful for it.”
My primary objective in posting this image was to encourage anyone struggling to embrace their larger body to challenge the societal conditioning that leads many to self-hatred. I wrote for my younger self, who never believed she would be valued in a fat body. I shared my story knowing that countless women like me suffer in silence with eating disorders and desperately need positive representations of recovery.
However, one individual reacted to my post with shock, questioning my intentions. “Don’t you think you’re shaming those who are skinny, like you once were?” she asked. “Do you really believe that happiness is determined by body weight?”
This was a heavy conversation to navigate. Typically, I delete negative comments, but this felt different. I sensed the pain behind her words. I encouraged her to follow my page only if it brought her joy and expressed my curiosity about her perception of my message.
What followed was an incredible discussion. After a few uncomfortable exchanges, she began to trust me and opened up about her own struggles with living in a state of frailty. Unlike my experience, she wasn’t purposefully restricting; she was desperately trying to gain weight while facing anxiety over her inability to do so. She reluctantly revealed that she even shops in the children’s section for clothes. My open discussion about my own pain in a thin body struck a chord with her. Here I was, a fat woman exuding happiness, and she felt a pang of envy for my inner freedom and ability to embrace life fully.
I’m grateful I chose to engage with her. Over several days of conversation, we reached a mutual understanding, allowing me to share our exchange publicly on Instagram.
In a video update, I explained my response to her initial perception of discrimination in my post. I emphasized the crucial distinction between the inner shame experienced in a thin body versus the societal shame associated with being in a fat body. While her feelings were valid, it was important for her to recognize the advantages that come with thin privilege. Our society has demonized larger bodies, promoting fear-mongering and profit-driven narratives that perpetuate body shame. Individuals in thinner bodies often receive unwarranted praise and the false assumption of health, while those in larger bodies face systemic oppression.
It’s one thing to grapple with self-loathing due to societal pressures to conform to diet culture; it’s another to face disdain simply for existing in a larger body. Once I clarified this distinction, she began to understand.
While I don’t intend to engage in lengthy discussions with every person who misinterprets my journey, I’m thankful I did with her. Those in thinner bodies, particularly white women, need to step outside their personal experiences and recognize the harsh realities faced by those living in larger bodies. Regardless of one’s past or the pressures that led to thinness, it’s essential to educate oneself on the severe challenges that come with being judged and ridiculed for one’s size.
For those wondering how to be allies for fat individuals, I offer some suggestions:
- Reflect on your thoughts before questioning a larger person’s self-care.
- Learn about the fatphobic roots of diet culture.
- Acknowledge the benefits you enjoy from living in a thinner body.
- Explore the growing statistics regarding youth who are inheriting our society’s toxic obsession with thinness.
- Support fat individuals in your community and advocate for those who face bias.
- Most importantly, commit to nurturing a positive relationship with your body, regardless of its size.
I had no awareness of thin privilege until I lost it. Now that I understand, I am dedicated to healing what was once fractured. I’ve made it my mission to advocate for marginalized bodies and individuals. I hope you’ll join me in challenging the institutions that divide us. Let’s stand together and give a loud, unapologetic response to the profit-driven narratives that keep us apart.
And remember, if you feel the urge to criticize, take a moment to reflect on why.
Summary:
The author reflects on their journey of overcoming an eating disorder and the unexpected backlash they faced for discussing their experiences on social media. Through a thoughtful exchange with a woman who accused them of skinny shaming, they explore the complexities of body image, societal pressures, and the importance of understanding privilege. The article encourages readers to engage in self-reflection, support marginalized bodies, and foster a positive relationship with their own bodies.