Here’s a revelation: a woman’s desire for intimacy doesn’t vanish as soon as she gives birth. While it’s common knowledge that many babies come from sexual activity, there remains an uncomfortable stigma around mothers maintaining a vibrant sex life. New moms might not be eager to dive right back into penetrative sex immediately after childbirth, but it’s crucial to acknowledge that mothers have — and indeed want — to enjoy sex.
This stigma often leads to a lack of conversation about the topic, leaving many mothers feeling isolated. To help break this silence, a recent survey conducted by Home Insemination Kit gathered insights on motherhood and sexual health. The study included 436 participants ranging in age from under 30 to over 60, with nearly half (54 percent) falling between 30 and 39 years old. Participants hailed from diverse ethnic backgrounds and sexual orientations across North America, including states like California, Ohio, and New York. Although this is just a glimpse into the bigger picture, we hope these findings foster a more nuanced understanding of mothers and their sexual lives.
Diverse Libidos in Relationships
In an ideal scenario, you and your partner would share the same level of sexual desire. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case for many couples, especially mothers. About 76 percent of those surveyed reported that differing libidos create stress in their relationships. Most moms expressed a desire for more sexual activity, ideally two to three times a week, compared to the reality of two to three times a month. Interestingly, 40 percent of these women never take the initiative for sex, while 40 percent engage in masturbation at least a few times a month.
Dr. Amelia Grant, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, emphasizes that these findings align with her clinical observations. “When sex is thriving, it’s a minor aspect of the relationship; but when it falters, it can impact overall relationship satisfaction,” she explains. The good news? Couples can effectively manage libido mismatches. The stereotype of a frazzled mom always claiming to have a headache to avoid intimacy with her overly eager partner is outdated. If three-quarters of moms express a desire for more sex, this indicates they often have a stronger sex drive than their partners.
Moms Embrace Self-Pleasure
While society tends to normalize male masturbation, it often overlooks female sexual needs. Spoiler alert: mothers are very much in touch with their sexuality, and having children doesn’t alter that. The survey revealed that 57 percent of moms masturbate at least once a month, while only 22 percent claimed to do so “almost never.”
Moreover, 56 percent of mothers reported using sex toys sometimes, with that number rising to 62 percent among those with infants under a year old. Dr. Grant notes that this trend makes sense, suggesting that exhausted new moms might find toys a more efficient means of achieving pleasure. “An orgasm is not just pleasurable; it is also a great way to relieve tension and promote better sleep,” she adds.
Moms also engage with adult content: 28 percent watch porn at least once a month, and 16 percent do so a few times a year. Among those who indulge in porn, 77 percent prefer heterosexual content, while 40 percent lean toward lesbian or gay porn. Dr. Grant was mildly surprised by the lack of diversity in the types of porn viewed by mothers, noting that traditional preferences prevail in our society.
The Reality of Being ‘Touched Out’
Everyday life for moms often involves constant physical contact, which can lead to a feeling of being “touched out.” We asked survey participants if they could relate to this sentiment: “After a long day of being poked and prodded by my kids, I’d prefer not to engage sexually with my partner — or even by myself.” A striking 71 percent of moms reported feeling this way at least some of the time. Among those who felt touched out, 26 percent were stay-at-home moms, while 52 percent worked full time.
Interestingly, 40 percent of moms who felt touched out still engaged in solo masturbation at least once a month. This suggests that while they may not be inclined to engage with their partners, their desire for sexual pleasure remains intact.
Navigating Postpartum Challenges
Having a baby undeniably impacts your sex life, and the survey shed light on the postpartum recovery process. Among mothers with infants, 83 percent acknowledged that childbirth significantly affected their sexual experiences. However, that number decreased to 70 percent for moms with older children. Importantly, 78 percent of new mothers reported having sex at least once monthly, reminding us that motherhood doesn’t equate to a sexless existence.
Cultural pressures can make it challenging for new moms to understand what’s “normal” regarding their bodies and sexual desires post-birth. The survey found that 83 percent of moms with infants still grapple with body image issues that negatively affect their sex lives, while two-thirds reported lingering postpartum symptoms that also impact intimacy.
Many OB-GYNs recommend a return to penetrative sex around six weeks postpartum, which can leave new moms feeling inadequate if they aren’t ready. It’s essential to remember that recovery is a personal journey, and if you don’t feel ready for intimacy right away, you’re not alone.
Financial Factors and Sexual Frequency
Contrary to the assumption that more money leads to a more active sex life, the survey revealed some surprising statistics. About 43 percent of mothers reported having sex at least weekly, while 71 percent expressed a desire for that frequency. Interestingly, those who had sex daily were often within lower income brackets. Among mothers earning less than $50,000, 27 percent reported satisfying sexual frequencies, while this percentage dropped for those in higher income brackets.
Dr. Grant suggests that the stress of maintaining a higher standard of living may detract from couples’ intimate lives, illustrating that financial strain can impact relationship satisfaction.
This survey marks a crucial step towards normalizing discussions about motherhood and sexuality. Mothers are not a monolithic group, and their sexual needs and desires vary widely. Open conversations can help dismantle the stigma surrounding the topic and encourage a healthier understanding of sex and motherhood.
For more insights, check out our detailed findings on this subject at Home Insemination Kit and learn about the nuances of the postpartum experience at Progyny. For expert advice, visit Intracervical Insemination.
Summary
The survey reveals that mothers maintain a strong sexual desire even after childbirth, with many feeling a mismatch in libidos with their partners. Issues like feeling “touched out,” postpartum challenges, and financial factors all influence mothers’ sex lives. The findings encourage open conversations about motherhood and sexuality, stressing that mothers are diverse individuals with varying needs and desires.