By: Mia Thompson
Updated: Feb. 28, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 28, 2020
There are women who insist they can forgo friendships because their family is enough. While having a strong bond with loved ones is essential, the richness that friendships bring to your life surpasses what family can offer. Friends understand facets of your identity that family members might overlook. In my experience, my close friends have significantly improved my parenting skills. They serve as a reminder that my identity extends beyond just being a mother.
I can’t fathom life without my friends. They are my sanity savers during those chaotic moments when my child is driving me up the wall. When I feel overwhelmed, they provide the support I need to regain my composure. Their friendship acts as a lifeline during the toughest challenges of motherhood. They remind me that I am not a bad mother, even when I feel like I am failing.
As a single mom, I lack a partner to lean on. In previous relationships, I struggled not to make my partner my entire universe. Relationships can be challenging, and if you invest all your energy into one person, what happens when the going gets tough? Who do you turn to when your partner is the one making you feel stressed? Don’t you sometimes need an escape? Even if it’s just to vent through a flurry of angry emojis in a text message?
As much as I cherish my son, I can’t imagine only having him in my life. At six years old, he is a wonderful little companion, but he isn’t exactly a conversationalist. He doesn’t want to hear about my day-to-day struggles, and I could care less about his obsession with dinosaurs. I love spending time with him—he’s truly a fantastic kid. However, he isn’t equipped to provide the kind of emotional support that a friend can. And he shouldn’t have that responsibility. When I call him my best friend, it’s about our connection, not that he fulfills the role of a friend. He’s a remarkable son, yet not the best confidant.
It’s all too easy to lose sight of yourself amidst the daily grind of motherhood. Many of us strive just to keep our heads above water. Neglecting friendships outside of parenting means losing an essential outlet for yourself. You need those moments where you can step away from your maternal responsibilities. Relying solely on family can leave you feeling overwhelmed without any relief. But having a friend to reach out to can change everything. You need those people who are there for you, and while family tries, they often need you in ways that friends don’t.
Being a single mom with a full-time job doesn’t leave much room for leisure. Fortunately, my friends understand this and adapt to my schedule. Sometimes that means sending emails instead of texts, allowing us both to juggle our responsibilities. Other times, it means long phone conversations on Saturday nights once my son is asleep. It’s not about the format we choose; nurturing our bond is what truly matters. Those moments of connection fill my heart and remind me that I am a whole individual, deserving of attention too. It’s easy to forget that amidst the endless cycle of laundry, cooking, and homework help.
My friendships acknowledge all aspects of my life. Sure, we chat about my son, but they also encourage me to discuss the parts of my life he isn’t involved in. Even a simple question about work can help lift me out of the monotony of motherhood. Soon enough, we’re sharing recommendations for the latest Netflix shows, creating a space for genuine connection. Often, I don’t realize how much I need that interaction until it’s happening.
Maintaining adult friendships can be incredibly challenging, especially when family obligations pile up. I understand the temptation to give up on friendships entirely. However, the reality is that friends see you in ways your family might not. They appreciate the version of you that isn’t just a mom or a partner. Cultivating those connections becomes crucial during moments when motherhood feels overwhelming.
Our families love us, undoubtedly. But the love of friends offers something different—something transformative. Good friends genuinely want what’s best for you. They are your support system when family dynamics become draining. While it may be tough to keep in touch, true friends are understanding. They likely face similar challenges, and that’s part of the beauty of friendships outside familial bonds. There will always be someone out there who gets it.
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In summary, prioritizing friendships is not just beneficial but essential for mothers, especially single moms. Friends provide emotional support and understanding that family may not always offer. Maintaining these connections enriches our lives and helps us retain our sense of self amidst the responsibilities of motherhood.