Most Children Don’t Need to Be ‘Trained’ for Toilet Use

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Potty training can be a significant source of anxiety for parents, with the challenge of teaching kids not just the mechanics of using the toilet but also getting them to put it into practice. This pressure doesn’t just affect adults; children pick up on these stresses too. However, there are ways to ease the process of transitioning to the toilet that involve shifting the perspective on how we approach it.

Take, for example, my son, who was a late bloomer when it came to potty training—he was just shy of four when he finally ditched the diapers. I felt the weight of that pressure early on, and I’m sure he sensed it as well. Eventually, I decided to take a step back and wait until he seemed more ready, and it made the whole experience much smoother.

Child development expert, Laura Mitchell, emphasizes that parents should take a more supportive approach rather than attempting to “train” their children. She poses a thought-provoking question: “Why add potty training to our already full plate when a more supportive approach might yield better results?” If potty training is causing so much stress, why not explore ways to make it more manageable? While there are certainly situations that necessitate children being potty trained—like preschools that require it—there are still methods to make the transition feel collaborative. This isn’t about teaching them a complex skill; it’s about helping them tune in to their bodies’ needs.

Mitchell provides insightful steps for allowing children to learn rather than forcing them into potty training. Toddlers are naturally defiant; they often challenge us on everything from naptime to meals. So, it’s no surprise that they might resist potty training as well. When we attempt to enforce it, we’re likely to face resistance.

This is where the concept of “toilet learning” becomes relevant. Children are learning to connect with their bodies to facilitate bathroom use. They possess the necessary skills; we’re merely guiding them through a change in routine. Some children feel more secure using a child-sized potty, even if it may not be the preferred option for parents due to cleanliness concerns—remember, this process is about the child’s comfort.

If your child is ready to use the regular toilet, that’s fantastic! A proper seat that accommodates their small size is crucial. Many options exist, from removable seats to ones that attach directly to the toilet. Make sure they have a stool to rest their feet, which can aid in the process—having their feet flat and knees elevated can ease the act of pooping. Making the bathroom a welcoming space can also bolster their confidence.

For my son, having the right seat and stool was pivotal in helping him succeed with pooping on the toilet. It may have felt strange for him at first, but he adapted quickly. Modeling behavior is another effective strategy for toilet learning. Since kids often follow us into the bathroom, we can turn these moments into teaching opportunities. Phrases like, “I feel like I need to go” help illustrate the importance of listening to their bodies. Children already show awareness when it comes to bathroom needs; they aren’t just randomly peeing in their diapers. The goal is to harness that intuitive understanding.

Many parents opt to let their kids go without bottoms to encourage them to recognize their urges. If your child prefers wearing something, provide them with the option of a diaper or underwear. It’s crucial not to scold or punish them for accidents; they are still figuring out how to trust their instincts.

Mitchell also suggests paying attention to physical cues that indicate a child’s need to go. Every child has their own way of signaling this need. By observing their behavior closely, parents can guide them effectively. An encouraging statement like, “It seems like you need to go, would you like to try?” can motivate them to use the toilet. Additionally, knowing when to accept a refusal is vital; forcing them can create anxiety and reluctance.

Ultimately, the emotional aspect of potty training is often the most daunting for children. New experiences can be intimidating, even if they have the physical capacity to succeed. As Mitchell points out, toddlers don’t have many moments of independence, so giving them space to figure this out is essential. When they learn to trust themselves, their confidence grows, leading to fewer accidents and less fear.

“There is no more powerful affirmation for toddlers than ‘I can do it myself,’” Mitchell asserts. It may be challenging to step back during potty training, but if you trust the process, your children will likely surprise you. It doesn’t have to be a stressful ordeal.

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Summary

Potty training can be a stressful experience for both parents and children. By shifting the focus from training to learning, parents can create a supportive environment that allows their children to become confident in their ability to use the toilet. Understanding children’s cues, providing the right tools, and fostering a positive atmosphere are essential steps in this process.