Trauma is one of those words that can mean so many things, yet often feels too personal to define. Interestingly, “trauma” is a term that appears the same in various languages including Spanish, German, and Italian. If you were to ask a hundred people what trauma signifies to them, you’d likely receive a hundred unique perspectives.
For me, trauma is anything that leaves a mark on my soul. It might sound odd, but it resonates deeply with my experience. Just because you don’t understand my trauma doesn’t make it any less significant. You might even dismiss it as trivial, but that doesn’t change the reality of how it affects me.
In my nearly 40 years, I have faced the loss of my father, brother, grandparents, twin babies, and nephew. As a social worker for over 18 years, I’ve engaged with countless victims of violent crimes, sexual assault, and child abuse. This isn’t a brag sheet; it’s simply the backdrop to my story. All these experiences have left their mark on my soul. Some I’ve managed to process and move forward from, while others have been much harder to bear.
The Loss of My Father
I was just 14 when I lost my father. That event turned my world upside down. I was on a path, albeit with some bumps along the way, when suddenly, I was caught in a whirlwind of grief that sent me spiraling in a new direction. I felt anger and bitterness; I distanced myself from those I loved to hide my pain. Each time I saw my friends with their fathers, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why me?” This loss made me question everything I thought I knew about life.
Tragedy Strikes Again
Then, as I became a therapist and a mother, tragedy struck again when I lost my brother to a drug overdose. Once more, my world was shaken. At 30, I had to reevaluate my coping mechanisms as I navigated this new grief. The questions changed, but the theme of self-blame persisted: “Why couldn’t I save him? What more could I have done?” In my quest to maintain a facade of being “fine,” I bottled up my pain, only to find that it made my struggles worse. My view of life became clouded, and I stumbled along a path that once felt so clear.
The Importance of Acknowledging Pain
What my experiences have taught me is that pretending to be “fine” is the worst thing I can do. When I’m hurting, saying “I’m fine” only spreads the stain of that pain. The trauma I carry becomes more unbearable when I don’t acknowledge it.
I’m not saying you need to bare your soul to every acquaintance who asks how you’re doing, but instead of the usual “I’m fine,” try something more honest. Anything is better than feigning wellbeing, because just being “fine” isn’t really living.
Finding Peace Through Truth
Life inevitably comes with its share of pain. We aren’t meant to glide through life on a unicorn, shooting rainbows. However, by being truthful with ourselves and those we trust, we can overcome even the toughest challenges and find peace.
As humans, we have the capacity to love deeply and inflict pain just as fiercely. In my role as a social worker, I’ve encountered both the best and worst of humanity. I’ve met resilient individuals who carry their scars with quiet dignity, and I’ve been privileged to learn their stories.
With this honor comes my own share of stains. I’ve supported survivors bravely sharing their truths, helped children understand their abuse wasn’t their fault, and comforted a mother facing the loss of her child due to addiction. I’ve sat beside children who’ve witnessed unimaginable horrors.
I’m no hero; I’m just part of this flawed human experience. I’ve chosen a path to help others, and in doing so, I’ve absorbed some of their pain. And that’s okay.
Reach Out for Support
Reach out to someone you trust when you’re struggling. Acknowledge your pain and seek help when you need it. We can take better care of ourselves by being honest and connecting with those who understand our struggles. Remember to prioritize your soul and steer clear of the “fine” facade.
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Conclusion
In summary, trauma is a personal experience that affects everyone differently. Acknowledging our pain rather than masking it with “I’m fine” is essential for healing. By being honest with ourselves and those we trust, we can navigate through life’s challenges together.