I have to say, I’m not a fan of the term “mixed-weight couple.” Recently, there’s been quite a bit of chatter about TLC’s new show, “Hot and Heavy.” According to their press release, it features three couples “determined to show their friends, family, and the world that love transcends appearances.” However, after watching the first three episodes, I can confidently say it’s a hard no from me.
To be fair, the show delivers exactly what you’d expect based on its title and the network’s reputation. The behaviors of many of the men are off-putting, and some scenes come off as exploitative. Yet, these individuals willingly invited cameras into their lives, and that’s their choice. If you enjoy TLC’s usual approach to such topics, it could be right up your alley.
Still, as I reflect on the show, I find deeper layers of discomfort.
The Dynamics of “Mixed-Weight Couples”
The first major issue: the dynamics in all three couples clearly position the thin male partner as the “desirable” one, while the heavier female partner is dubbed the “heavy.” Seriously? In 2020, why are we still accepting this narrative? It seems impossible that they couldn’t find a single couple with a heavier man and a thinner partner, or any combination that breaks this stereotypical mold. I simply can’t get behind it.
Moreover, the term “mixed-weight couple” doesn’t resonate with me. While I understand some people connect with it and find it meaningful, it just doesn’t sit well for me and my own relationship. Yes, the social issues surrounding fat bodies often spill into romantic relationships, and couples with varying body sizes can face judgment. It’s true that sometimes, we experience negativity due to our differences, and sharing a label may be beneficial for some.
I empathize with that perspective. I’ve found solace in communities that uplift fat bodies both online and offline. Discrimination against larger individuals is real and pervasive, and life in a fat body can be challenging because of it.
But, no matter how much I try to embrace the “mixed-weight couple” label, it simply doesn’t fit my marriage. The term doesn’t accurately reflect our experience. My body is not a hurdle in our relationship; it’s just part of who I am.
Privilege and Perspective
Additionally, labeling ourselves as a “mixed-weight couple” feels wrong because it implies we face struggles that I believe aren’t ours to claim. Sure, I’m fat and my husband isn’t, and yes, some people can be rude about it. However, at the end of the day, we are both straight, cisgender, white, middle-class Americans. We enjoy privileges that far outweigh the challenges we face due to our size differences.
Historically, couples of different races and LGBTQIA+ couples have faced substantial obstacles just to express their love publicly. For instance, interracial marriage wasn’t legalized everywhere in the U.S. until 1967, and marriage equality for LGBTQIA+ couples didn’t occur until 2015. I can’t, in good conscience, liken my experience to theirs. I don’t feel unsafe because of my relationship, and I refuse to adopt a narrative that doesn’t reflect my reality.
Societal Expectations and Body Image
The “mixed-weight couple” label also seems disproportionately applied to relationships where the man is thin and the woman is heavier. Society largely accepts fat men dating thin women or even fat individuals dating each other without much fuss. If my husband were to gain weight and I were to lose it, we would likely blend into the background. No one would bat an eye because fat men with thin partners don’t attract attention.
It’s frustrating.
Body size pressures affect everyone, but women face particularly harsh expectations, especially in terms of remaining thin. Diet culture is deeply ingrained in our society, pressuring women to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. We are often taught that our worth is tied to our appearance, which is infuriating.
For a long time, I fell into this trap. I sought validation through my husband’s size, thinking that our relationship was more acceptable because he was thinner. Looking back, I feel embarrassed by that mindset. It’s a reflection of the societal lies that continue to harm fat women today.
Though I didn’t label it back then, I did feel like we were a “mixed-weight couple,” and our size difference felt significant because of my insecurities. Now, I’ve moved past that way of thinking. I embrace my space and reject the notion that my worth is defined by my partner’s attraction to me.
Our sizes no longer matter in our everyday lives. The “mixed-weight couple” label doesn’t serve us or our happiness. So, please, don’t call us that. It simply doesn’t apply.
Further Reading
If you want to explore more on this topic, check out this blog post for additional insights. For more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Healthline for valuable information. For delicious gluten-free desserts, Intracervical Insemination has some great options.
In summary, “Hot and Heavy” on TLC raises questions around the portrayal of body sizes in relationships. The term “mixed-weight couple” doesn’t resonate with everyone, as it often implies struggles that may not apply to all couples. Love transcends size, and for many, it’s about embracing who we are without labels.