Every morning as I drop off my son at school, I make it a point to envelop him in a warm hug. I kiss his forehead and say, “I love you, see you later.” At six years old, he’s already embarrassed by those affectionate gestures, eager to rush inside to join his friends. Still, I take a moment each day for that quick embrace. In our current world, where uncertainty looms, this hug serves as a vital reminder of my love for him, just in case he doesn’t hear it again.
Some might label my concerns as excessive or unfounded. However, I prefer to consider myself a realist. We live in a time when the return home from school is fraught with anxiety. That farewell hug is one of the least irrational things I can do. While homeschooling might seem like a safer option, it’s not feasible for us. I want him to navigate the world independently, but that doesn’t erase the worry that lingers every time I drop him off.
A Heartbreaking Reality
The tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary occurred just before my son was born. I vividly remember sitting on my couch, heartbroken for the mothers who would never hold their children again. Those young lives lost resonate deeply with me, especially now that my own child is the same age as those innocent victims. When I hug my son goodbye, I can’t help but think of the mothers who have been robbed of that simple moment.
Since that horrific day, the frequency of school shootings has escalated, making it a grim reality that some parents have learned to cope with. Living in a constant state of worry isn’t healthy, but it’s hard not to dwell on the “what ifs” in today’s society. No parent should have to fear their child’s safety at school, yet this is a shared anxiety that weighs heavily on all of us.
Emergency Drills and Conversations
Recently, my son experienced his first “emergency drill” at school. They avoid calling it a lockdown drill to prevent scaring the younger kids. My son tends to panic, so his teacher kindly informed me about it, allowing me to prepare for questions at home. It saddens me that these conversations are necessary, but they are now part of our reality. We talked about the importance of listening to his teacher and staying calm. I reassured him to think of my love and picture me hugging him whenever he feels scared.
As I embrace my son each morning, I take in every detail—his jacket color, the sneakers on his feet. I capture that moment in my mind as he walks through the gate toward the cafeteria. Thankfully, we live close to the school, making it easy for me to reach him quickly if needed. Yet, what if he’s not the one in danger? I sometimes wonder if I could be the one affected. The threat of violence knows no bounds; it lurks in mundane places, and my son is my only thought if something were to happen.
Moments of Panic
At the end of summer, we found ourselves in Times Square when a car backfired, causing panic as some mistook it for gunfire. That night was terrifying, underscoring the reality of gun violence. Thankfully, my son was with me during that ordeal. However, as school approached just a week later, that goodbye hug became a response to the fear that had been ignited.
This year marks his first full day at school, and while I had concerns during preschool, they pale in comparison to what I feel now, especially with emergency drills being part of the routine. The anxiety is more palpable now, and I try to suppress those thoughts because they lead to tears—tears not from fear, but from anger.
A Call for Change
Our children shouldn’t grow up in a world where they fear going to school. Parents shouldn’t have to help soothe their kids after lockdown drills. A simple goodbye hug should be free of the weight of “what if.” Unfortunately, I doubt we will see significant changes anytime soon, especially while society values guns over innocent lives. So, each morning, I will continue to cherish that goodbye hug.
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Conclusion
In summary, the act of hugging my son goodbye each morning has become an essential part of my day, reflecting both my love and the anxieties of our current world. As I hold him close, I am reminded of the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing every moment.