I’m not the type of mom who spends hours on the floor, engrossed in a game of My Little Pony, nor am I the one who builds expansive cities in Minecraft. Pokémon? Forget it. I’ve accepted that this isn’t my forte in parenting.
Thankfully, my partner, Jake, thrives in these activities. Watching him toss a football with the kids in the yard (strictly outside, no balls in the house—seriously!) brings a smile to my face. Their laughter during wrestling matches and silly games fills our home with joy. But let’s be real: I’m just not that mom.
When I was pregnant, I was a bundle of nerves yet filled with determination to welcome you into the world and shower you with love. I was a single mom to two boys, juggling long work hours while still managing to host dance parties, belting songs at the top of our lungs, laughter ringing as loudly as the music. Even before you were born, I savored cherry cheesecake, partly to see you dance (and partly because, well, cheesecake).
The moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew my heart would forever belong to you. As I welcomed two more sweet babies into my life, my heart expanded to embrace all of you. I was the mom who couldn’t sleep for staring at you, remembering how tiny you were snuggled on my chest. Even now, when I see you sleeping, I can’t help but picture you in your adorable footie pajamas, wispy hair, and dark lashes resting against your perfect skin.
I was the mom who rocked you to sleep all night, soothing you with gentle pats and shushing sounds when you cried. I was the one who panicked over every little bump and bruise, kissing away your tears and spending countless hours waiting for casts or bandages. I was the mom who clung to your leg during that preschool tour, and I went back to school online so I could be home when you needed me.
I’m the one who signs school notes, checks homework, and packs your lunches. I make the doctor’s and dentist appointments and attend parent-teacher conferences. I’ve been wearing thrift store clothes for ages just so you can have brand-name outfits that your friends will love.
I’m the mom who tells bad jokes and sings off-key, all to see your smiles. Those smiles? I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. I love you deeply, more than I could ever articulate, and I strive to show you that every day.
But there are times when I feel like I’m falling short. I live with chronic depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Migraines and pain are my constant companions, and I see more doctors than I can count (seriously, I can’t even remember the last time I went to a hair stylist, but you have an appointment tomorrow).
I fight every day to handle the tasks that create a “normal” life for you. I do your laundry, even if it means sitting down to sort it. I ensure the water bill is paid so you can shower. I clip your nails, buy toothpaste, and remind you about deodorant.
I’m also the mom who forgets things—not the important stuff like birthdays or Christmas, although I may have let a few Tooth Fairy notes slip instead of cash. I forget the little things, like your gaming achievements or the name of that character you love. But I can read your emotions in a glance, and I’m here to listen when you’re sad, angry, or filled with joy, even if I can’t remember every detail about your games.
I’m the mom who wishes she could slay all your dragons and protect you from hurt. Yet, I’m also the one who struggles to cook dinner some nights, leaving you with an unhealthy amount of mac and cheese. Laundry piles up because my arms ache too much to fold them. I can get overwhelmed easily, and sometimes I hide when it all feels too much. I’m that mom who cries in the bathroom, feeling like I’ve let you down.
I stay awake worrying about you and wish I could bottle up every hug and “I love you” to give back on days when there are no hugs, just slammed doors. You are my world and the reason I fight through every day. I’m striving to be the mom you deserve, even if I’m not the one you always want.
For more insights on parenting, check out our other blog posts at Home Insemination Kit. If you’re interested in dance classes for your kids, click here for expert advice. Additionally, for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit CDC’s website.
In summary, I may not be the playful mom you see in movies, but I pour my heart and soul into being the best parent I can be. Despite my struggles, my love for you is boundless, and I’m always striving to make sure you feel that love every single day.