About once a month, I find myself throwing a mini-meltdown about the state of my home. When my partner returns from work, he can see the frustration in my eyes, and he knows what’s about to unfold. I vent about the clutter on every flat surface, the discarded socks and snack wrappers littering the living room, and the never-ending pile of dirty dishes. Not to mention the five baskets of clean laundry that my family rummages through rather than folding and putting away.
My partner is understanding. As I’ve shared with him many times, I work, live, and play in our home. When it’s chaotic, I feel chaotic as well.
Yes, I’ve heard the well-meaning phrases: “Memories are made in messy homes,” and “I should be grateful for the mess.” But none of these clichés ease my anxiety about the disarray. I find myself hyper-focusing on an empty granola bar wrapper, feeling torn over whether to pick it up myself or wait for the person responsible to do it. I’ve tried the “wait-and-see” approach, where I leave the mess and see how long it takes for someone else to notice. Trust me, that strategy doesn’t work.
I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life, officially being diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in my thirties. I’ve attempted to adopt a carefree attitude about the mess, hoping to embrace spontaneity and enjoy moments with my kids. But I can’t just “fake it until I make it.” I rarely make it through ten minutes of playtime with my children before I feel the urge to sweep the floor.
For me, clutter creates an overwhelming sense of chaos. I dislike unfinished tasks, which only add to my ever-growing to-do list. It’s hard for me to ignore the stale cereal and empty snack bags in the pantry. If I don’t take care of it, who will?
Sure, chore charts and reward systems exist for kids—if that fits your family dynamic. My partner is a true partner, handling dishes, diaper changes, and cooking breakfast on weekends. We don’t live in a traditional household where one person does all the work. However, since I’m at home more than anyone else, I often find myself carrying the heaviest load.
I simply can’t concentrate when my home resembles a disaster zone. Although I wish there were an end to the messiness, having a large family and a busy lifestyle means there will always be clutter. This reality only heightens my anxiety.
People often poke fun at those who maintain a tidy home, labeling them as obsessive. This can be hurtful, especially since many, like me, find that a clean environment positively impacts our daily lives. When our home is orderly, it provides a sense of calm that allows us to focus better at work and connect with our loved ones without feeling burdened by a mountain of chores.
My desire for order isn’t rooted in being a germaphobe. I have four children, so there’s no way to completely avoid germs. Of course, I wish we could dodge illnesses, but that’s unrealistic.
I recognize that I may never embrace a laid-back attitude when it comes to my home. Even though my anxiety is well-managed through therapy, medication, and exercise, I still feel the compulsion to start a load of laundry before settling down to write.
If you find it difficult to keep your space tidy for your own peace of mind, know that you’re not alone. This is a real struggle, and the assumptions people make can sting. However, we don’t have time to dwell on that—we’re too busy tackling the clutter.
Conclusion
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