Lifestyle
I reached the milestone of 40 this year with a conscious decision to keep things low-key. Honestly, I’m not quite sure why I didn’t celebrate, even in a small way. My daily routine remained unchanged, and I can scarcely recall the day itself—only that it was a Monday because my son had a guitar lesson.
For years, I’ve heard that turning 40 would magically instill an “I don’t give a hoot” attitude. While I do find myself caring less about the trivial things I once obsessed over—like fashion or the opinions of others—I can’t say that I’ve completely stopped caring. I still have my concerns. I’m not particularly fond of how my body is changing, or that I now need a solid eight hours of sleep to feel normal. I’m not thrilled about walking into a room and forgetting why I’m there, or needing to hold reading material at just the right distance for my aging eyes. Bifocals might be in my future, and that’s not something I’m ready to embrace.
The combination of acne and wrinkles is another unwelcome surprise. As a teenager, I longed for the day when I’d be free of breakouts. Little did I know that adulthood would bring both acne and crow’s feet. Who knew that was even a possibility?
However, the most difficult aspect of middle age is seeing friends grapple with serious illnesses. I’ve lost a dear friend to cancer, and others have faced their own battles, some emerging victorious while others continue to fight for their lives. The reality of mortality has never felt as immediate as it does now.
Despite these challenges, I find myself genuinely enjoying middle age. For me, this phase represents more than just aging; it was the year I fully embraced my identity as a gay woman. Turning 40 coincided with my decision to live authentically. Instead of a midlife crisis, I experienced a midlife rebirth.
Although I still care about many things, coming out meant I had to stop worrying about others’ perceptions. I learned to trust myself more and to stop letting my life be dictated by external expectations. The life I was living, while beautiful, wasn’t truly mine. Each day I stayed in that reality felt like I was becoming less honest with myself.
I assume there’s been some gossip since my coming out, but I genuinely don’t care if it bothers anyone. I remember what it was like to live in shades of grey, while others enjoyed the full spectrum of color. Now, my life is vibrant, and although it’s filled with its own challenges, my external self finally matches my internal reality.
At 40, I have no regrets about my journey to this point, and in many ways, I feel like my life is just beginning. Achieving this level of authenticity hasn’t been easy—divorce is hard regardless of the circumstances—but I’ve made it through. Now, I can breathe fully, laugh deeply, and smile wholeheartedly. This authentic life feels wonderful.
While my experience of middle age might be somewhat unique due to my coming out, I believe many people share the journey of embracing their true selves. The reason so many middle-aged individuals seem to adopt this carefree attitude is that they are becoming more aligned with who they really are. This isn’t about ego; it’s about a deep sense of self-awareness that can’t be easily shaken by outside judgment.
Some people seem to inherently know themselves from an early age, confidently existing without concern for societal molds. I have friends who, even before adolescence, were entirely comfortable in their identities, unconcerned with others’ expectations. They simply pursued what felt right and fulfilling.
Most of us, however, must grow into our true selves. I used to need a list of pros and cons to make decisions, but that’s changing. The more I accept the self I had buried for so long, the better I’m able to trust my instincts. While I may not have always known what I wanted, I’ve grown clear on what I don’t want. Prioritizing my happiness is crucial—not a selfish act, but something that allows me to better support those I love. This understanding is my favorite part of middle age.
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In summary, embracing middle age has allowed me to shed old insecurities and find my voice. It’s a journey of authenticity and self-discovery that many can relate to, and while it may have its challenges, it ultimately leads to a more fulfilling life.