I was at the local park, chatting with another mom while our kids enjoyed the swing set. We exchanged typical mom pleasantries—ages, grades, and the lovely weather. Most days, I cherish the quiet moments, sipping coffee and scrolling through social media, but today I felt chatty. That was until she asked the question that always gets under my skin: “Are your kids real siblings?”
In an instant, my cheerful mood vanished. Questions about my family’s “realness”—whether I’m their “real” mom or if they’re “real” siblings—can feel intrusive and even hurtful, especially when my children are nearby. They’re not just kids; they’re my kids, and their adoption stories are personal and not up for discussion with strangers.
Our Adoption Journey
I proudly embrace my vibrant, multiracial family, formed through domestic infant adoption. My husband and I knew early in our marriage that we would adopt after I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition that could complicate pregnancy. Our first child joined us after a 14-month wait, and I vividly recall the day we took our newborn daughter to the mall. The reactions were immediate—curiosity and surprise when they saw her beautiful black curls against my chest.
Fast forward to today, and we’re a family of six, now facing even more questions. Our outings often attract attention—some smiles and compliments, but also a barrage of inquiries. “Where are your kids from?” “Do they see their biological families?” “Why didn’t you have your own kids?” It’s exhausting. While I’m grateful for the compliments, the questions about our family’s authenticity can be frustrating.
Understanding Our Bond
Yes, we may not share DNA or race, and I didn’t carry my children, but they are undeniably my real kids. Love is what binds us, much like the love you share with your partner—no DNA required. I understand that those outside the adoption experience may struggle to comprehend this, but our connection is genuine and profound.
Some have asked if there’s a more polite way to inquire about our family dynamics. Honestly, I don’t think there is. I might not be upset over repeated questions about whether my children are real siblings, but I won’t indulge anyone who assumes our family is somehow less valid because of how we were formed.
A Call for Respect
If you happen to see a family like mine, it’s natural to be curious. However, rather than probing for personal details, consider a simple acknowledgment of our family’s uniqueness. I’m open to discussing general adoption topics, but I draw the line at intrusive queries. Just as I wouldn’t ask you about your income, religion, or other private matters, please don’t expect me to justify our family’s authenticity to you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have children to raise.
Further Reading
For more insights into the world of adoption and family-building, check out our other blog post on home insemination. Also, for authoritative information on this topic, visit Intracervical Insemination and MedlinePlus for valuable resources about pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, while the journey of adoption brings its challenges, my children are very much my real kids, deserving of love, respect, and privacy. As a family, we thrive on our unique bond, built not on biology but on unwavering love.