There’s a staggering 24-year difference between my first child, Emily, and my twin daughters, Ava and Mia. Yes, you read that right—twenty-four years, not just a few months. I became a mom for the first time at 18, and after my oldest left for college, I thought it would be a great idea to start anew. Fast forward to when I was 42, and I found myself with two little ones. (Interestingly, Emily is now a mom herself, making me a grandmother at one point—a whole other story for later). I raised a daughter in the 1990s, and I’m navigating parenthood in the 2010s with a totally different set of tools.
When people discover that I essentially have two generations of kids, they often ask me, “What’s the biggest difference between then and now?” The answer is straightforward: the internet—and how it has clouded my maternal instincts.
During my first parenting experience, I never turned to parenting guides or articles. I relied almost entirely on my instincts, however imperfect they were. My mother was my sole source of advice, often shared with a cigarette in hand. While her advice wasn’t always spot-on, it worked out well enough; after all, my daughter turned out to be a wonderful person.
The second time around was an entirely different experience. Suddenly, I had the vast expanse of the internet at my fingertips! Before my twins even arrived, I found myself obsessively searching for answers to everything imaginable. I would type in questions like, “Why do my babies hiccup so much in the womb?” My instincts would have led me to conclude it was simply due to something I had eaten, but the internet suggested dire scenarios, like cord entanglement. I remember one particularly frantic day after an exhaustive search left me in tears, convinced something was terribly wrong.
Despite my doctor’s advice to stay offline, I couldn’t resist. When my twins were born, I dove deep into research. I downloaded countless apps to track their feeding, diaper changes, milestones—you name it. The overwhelming amount of information left me paralyzed and questioning my own instincts. By the time they were just two months old, I felt like a shell of my former self, devoid of any intuition.
That said, the internet has its advantages. I connected with other twin moms, snagged a fantastic deal on a running stroller, and kept in touch with my mom, who lives far away. However, the constant judgment, conflicting advice, and alarming “what-ifs” led me down a path of self-doubt and anxiety. Eventually, I realized I needed to step back and breathe, finding value in a balanced approach. To help others avoid losing their maternal instincts to cyberspace, here are a few tips:
1. Tune Out the Judgment.
I hadn’t heard of terms like “mommy wars” or “sanctimommy” until I got lost in the internet during my pregnancy. Sure, judgmental people have always existed, but back in my day, it was easier to brush off Aunt Linda’s unsolicited remarks. Now, that same voice is amplified online, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Remember, no one has all the right answers, and we’re all just figuring it out as we go.
2. Understand Conflicting Information.
There’s an abundance of contradictory advice out there. Carry your baby everywhere! But don’t spoil them! Feed them purees! Or go straight to table food! It can drive anyone mad. I’ve tried various methods, and they either worked or didn’t, depending on my family’s needs. Find what resonates with you and disregard the rest.
3. Avoid Catastrophic Thinking.
When you search for answers, it’s easy to spiral into worst-case scenarios. I once panicked over a tiny blemish on my baby’s face, convinced it was a sign of a serious illness. While some health concerns are serious and must be addressed, don’t let minor issues consume you. Limit your online searches and consult your doctor with specific concerns.
4. Skip the Comments Section.
Whatever you do, steer clear of the comments! This is where judgment and misinformation thrive in vibrant detail. I’ve lost countless hours reading through them, only to emerge feeling disoriented and frustrated. Just don’t go there.
5. Trust Your Gut.
This one is often the most challenging. It’s easy to second-guess yourself, but remember that your instincts are still there. When you need advice, reach out to your trusted support network, whether online or in person. Your intuition can guide you better than any internet search.
These days, I still look things up online—I recently searched for “easy toddler craft ideas.” However, I’ve learned to take everything with a grain of salt. I trust my gut more often now, and I occasionally call my mom for advice. Though it’s been ages since she raised a child, her wisdom still resonates. “Honey, it’s just a phase. They’ll grow out of it. Trust your instincts.” It may not solve everything, but it reassures me. I know my girls will thrive because of and despite my efforts. My instincts, like my mother’s advice, come from a place of love, and that’s what truly matters.
For more insights on parenting, you can check out this relevant blog post.
In summary, while navigating parenting in the digital age presents unique challenges, it’s essential to balance online resources with your instincts. Trust yourself, find what works for you, and don’t let external opinions steer you off course.